I'm sure you'll be fine

Daloni

Too heavy for me, heavy, heavy, heavy. I don't like the bus synonym. Only from someone who needs a 5 second start.

Tvman xx

 one in 13 million deaths in the UK is due to being run over by a bus. I looked it up.  - Made me laugh. I have a friend who gave up nursing and is now a bus driver. I expect she is running people over daily. 

Found this on the interweb: According to figures from the Health and Safety Executive (HSE), 74 people have been killed by cows in the past 15 years. I cant do the maths but this sounds better than being hit by a bus, and would save the driver any distress.  

Weight loss & silver lining -  getting rather near - "cheer up, it might never happen" - oh dear it has.  Or is there a separate grouping of support by cliches. 

Hi all,

It’s interesting to see the bus come up. I was obsessed with that phrase for quite a long time - I even wrote two pieces for Macmillan on it. I was going to tag them but can’t find them now - they’ve probably been deleted, lol!

For me, what is really important is the sincerity behind the words rather than the words themselves. There is truth behind the phrase live in the moment because tomorrow you might get hit by a bus. In much the same way as you might win the lottery or you might get diagnosed with an incurable cancer in your 30s. It’s true that none of us know what tomorrow brings.

Saying “you’ve got so much to live for” when someone is suicidal or “i’ll say a prayer for you” to someone who is not religious, are equally really not helpful at all, but if they are said with sincerity, then I came to accept that the person saying it really is trying to help. 

I sometimes tell people to focus on the moment, because tomorrow, who knows? I realize for some people it might really hurt them, but I hope they know it comes from a place of sincerity.

Of course, there are times when anger takes over no matter what anyone does. I remember during an extended hospital stay a few years ago, that I was angry if my wife didn’t come, angry if she came and said nothing, angry if she came and said anything. The one constant was my anger.

And that’s why this room can be very helpful!

All the best

Greg

Hi Greg,

You've hit the nail on the head there, the sincerity behind the words far is far, far more important than the words themselves.

There are a few people in my circle that I've learned constantly use dismissive language or expressions that minimise any given situation, not just mine, that isn't about them. In my cousins case, it's fear, she can't bear it, but  I'm finally beginning to recognise a complete lack of empathy from a few people I thought of as good friends. I'm gradually distancing myself from them. The flip side is that I've also had unbelievable support from unexpected sources.

The idea that we're all in the same boat because we're all going to die one day is ludicrous. Walk a mile in my shoes and see how you feel then.

Some bonkers statistics might be a welcome diversion.

I'm sure many of us will recognise the anger Greg, and how impossible it is for our nearest and dearest to get it right at times.

xx

Yes, I can appreciate that friends who may be rather clumsy sometimes offer heartfelt words and mean well. I have got better at giving people clues about what helps simply by telling people that at the moment questions/speculation/whatever  is not really helpful,  and telling them what is.

I am also aware how hard it is for people to know what to say at times. Some people are really good at simply being a still, gentle presence.  I hope they don't get knocked over by a bus/cow. 

Great replies. I remember your bus musings, greg777 and they were brilliant. 

In my better moments, I try to be kind and meet people where they are (which is often struggling to know what to say) and practice gratitude and compassion. There’s always something to be grateful for and someone worse off than me. I try to own my anger and not turn it on other people. Thank goodness for this space where I can let it out safely. 

Xx

Didn't truly  realise what I started off with "I'm sure you'll b fine" thread lol,  tho NellieJ really took up the baton n ran with it.

 Reading your post   Daloni reminded me I want to start a gratitude journal -  3 things every day will do me, incl The room and being able to let off steam here.

Here's another one for your list NelleJ : you're a brave lady. What, moi? You must b joking.

""The admirer" perhaps?

You’ve reminded me of what one of the doctors said to me the day I was having my cells put back in for SCT. 

“I think you’re really brave doing this”.

I must admit it wasn’t what I wanted to hear from the doctor! I wanted “don’t worry, you’ll be fine!”

Quite!