I'm sure you'll be fine

• Oh my  no wonder u need to rant sometimes...

Hi NellieJ,

I'm usually quite laid back so don't need to rant much but I love your descriptions.  You have it down to a T.

My particular favourites were when I was first diagnosed and friends started to tell me of someone they knew who had a totally unrelated cancer who had "overcome it" which was somehow supposed to inspire me? Duh.

Gragon xx

Hi NellieJ

I've had a couple of people who have said to me "I might be run over by a bus tomorrow". So insensitive, I feel like saying yeah, you won't be having week after week with chemo, being sick, no appetite, looking at a your partner showing physical signs of worrying, crying. 

The only people who really understand are fellow cancer sufferers. We seem to establish a firm bond between us. Rant over.

Tvman x

Gragon, ,, yes. I might call those The Implicators. They imply that if you've not beaten cancer you have not fought hard enough, juiced enough, battled  and thought positive things enough. By implication it's your fault you've not had that miracle cure. How lazy of you.

  Oh and they imply that a cancer (they know  nothing about) is because you ate too much, to little ,used the wrong fork, drank too much, from the wrong side of the cup. I expect to have a cancer I  the future related to eating too many Vespa noodles in the 19 70s. 

I am also going to add myself to the list as "Partners who can't always hold it together and need to get a grip".   Must be annoying to person  with  cancer. So I'm taking myself away for the day so they don't  have the extra burden.  We have big results day to k ow more of rate of spread tomorrow and growth. Things getting tense. 

I'm struggling a bit with the 'everyone dies' and 'I could get hit by a bus tomorrow'  mentality after a recent hospital admission with pneumonia, to the point that I don't want to see people.

I haven't responded to the person who said they hoped I would soon be over this blip.

I'm not bored.

I didn't manage to pick up a good looking doctor.

I'll give the 1st person who sees my sudden weight loss as a silver lining a 5 second start....

So Tvman, you'll be strangled before the train gets to you works for me!!!

By the way, when I was nursing, we would always say 'if this had happened yesterday' and never 'this could happen tomorrow'

A little kinder I think. xx

Tinalay

Much kinder I agree. Just right now, after a blow up with my son last night, I don't feel like smiling. He's still at home and not the most helpful. Tinalay, you certainly made me smile at your comment of the 5 second start. Nice one. Sorry you didn't score with a doctor!

Tvman xx

Dear NellieJ,

Good luck re results day. Hope u manage to  chill today xx

Hi 

I have had the run over by a bus comment many a time and it’s taken me a while to work out and exactly why it makes me want to push to push the person who’s said it under a bus. I think it’s this: for most people, the bus is notional.  It’s trundling along against the backdrop of hoping for grandchildren, or retirement or buyIng a new car or a holiday.  You know, normal stuff of life. Yes, you could be run over by a bus but the phrase is empty. When you’ve been told you have incurable or life limiting cancer, it’s like the bus is right in front of you. You’re staring into the grille. You can’t see over it or past it and the that light isn’t at the end of the tunnel at all. It’s the headlights of the oncoming bus. Jeez it’s scary. If I’m feeling unkind, I explain this.  Or alternatively I simply ask if they know what are the chances of being run over by a bus. It’s one in 13 million ( ie one in 13 million deaths in the UK is due to being run over by a bus. I looked it up). Generally speaking, that shuts down the conversation. 

Daloni, I really needed to hear this! My defences are low and I certainly don’t feel out of the woods in terms of the pneumonia. My temp is up & down & there’s a lot of pleuritic pain. So it’s good to have a coping strategy, and preferably one that doesn’t shoot anyone down in flames... xx

Poor you, . Infections are so hard to get over - especially when your immune system is compromised. I do so hope you start to feel better soon. You must be exhausted. 

Xxx