My Dads cancer is terminal

Hi Tired

Welcome to the Online Community.

I am really sorry to hear that your Dad has had a diagnosis of an incurable cancer and I understand what a difficult time this will be for you all. Sometimes with cancer things can feel like they happen so fast and that it does sometimes feel overwhelming. It is natural to feel like you are being pulled in different directions when you are a Mum who works and also wants to be there for you Mum and Dad. 

I will pop a link here with some information that may help.

Supporting someone with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support

I would also suggest that it may be an idea to give the Macmillan Support Line a call and just talk things through with one of the nurses. They are there from 8am-8pm daily and will also be able to have a look in your local area to see if there is any support close to home. 

Many people find Maggies centres helpful and I wonder whether there may be one in your area.

Maggie's | Everyone's home of cancer care

If there is anything else you need please do get in touch. 

Jane

Thank you Jane xx

Hi

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. That sounds so so hard for you.

I have found out that my Mum has terminal cancer. I am so close to my Mum, so i am heartbroken.  

Its an incredibly hard road to be on. People have told me to look after myself and weirdly that is one of the hardest things to do.

We found out in March and I can honestly say as hard as it is to look after yourself,  it is a necessity.  It sounds hard for you having two autistic children to look after too.

Only thing I can say is accept any help that people offer. People will be desperate to help. Even if its to take your children to the park, just so you can do something for yourself, even if its a good cry. 

Its heartbreaking. Sending love to you xx

Im so sorry to hear about your mum. Are you managing to spend quality time with her ? 

I feel like I'm in a bad dream. How do you handle all your emotions. Im trying to keep it all together.

Hi

Yes i am able to spend quality time with her thankfully. But i work full time,  so its hard.

That is exactly how I feel. That i am in a living nightmare and I will wake up. I have had dreams in the past like this and now it is my reality. The fifth time she has had cancer but this time not operable. 

I have found it so hard to manage my emotions and keep work going. I have been having counselling through work but that is about to end. So the hospice are going to give me counselling. 

Do you have friends or family that can support you? Its such a hard and scary place, you need people around you, who can support you. Macmillan are amazing too, I have called them a few times for advice or support.

We have to somehow look after ourselves in this. Its a necessity really. X 

My husband is amazing, I feel like all I do is cry on him. 

5 times !! Your mum is a warrior! She has fought hard. Its good to hear that work has provided support.  If you ever need a friendly ear when you cup is getting too full, please feel free to message.  

Oh that's so good you have a lovely husband to support you. My husband has been amazing too, I have cried with him so many times. Here for you too, if you need support. Sadly we both understand what its like. 

My Mum is a warrior and so brave.

Its such a painful road and the worst shock you could ever wish to imagine.  X

First of all in so sorry that your going through this and sending you a virtual hug. I also have an autistic child who is 9 and non verbal and feel like my head is all over the place at the moment and like yourself I just want to spend as much time as I can with dad 

Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the oesophagus recently at the beginning of august which has spread to his lymph nodes, I am completely heartbroken and just don’t know what to do as there is no treatment for dad as his body is not fit enough for chemotherapy or radiation and surgery is out of the question. 
I worry about mum when he is gone as she says she will lock herself away and won’t want to speak to anyone. I am not angry I’m devastated and have a fear of falling into a depression. Friends and family have told me to make my memories while dad is still with us and of course we will make that happen but I can’t imagine my dad not being with us anymore

sending love to you and your family xx

Im so sorry . I know exactly how you are feeling. And in some strange way there's a bit of comfort knowing that there are others out there that I can relate to. Don't get me wrong I wish we were relatable for something entirely different. But here we are. Both in a situation that we wish we weren't.  And let's be honest it sucks !  

Firstly, do you have any support ? I also worrie for my mum also, she has been with my dad since she was 12yrs old.  You're trying to be strong for your mum and dad but fall apart the minute you're home. You still have to be the parent to your own children and put a face on. But please allow yourself time to let it all out. Its ok to go and scream into a pillow or just hide under the covers for a moment.  But that's it.....only a moment then we have to be strong again.  I really hope you have someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on. 

I guess we just have to take one day at a time.  

If you ever need to vent or share your hard days or your good days, please feel free to message. 

Lots of love and comfort to you and your family x

Yeah it really does suck !!!! I have my husband for support and a few close friends who I can speak to but I keep getting really emotional each time I do, my husband is trying his best to support me but he just doesn’t know what to say or do as it’s not going to change the situation. 
My brother is trying to remain as positive as he can for now and he is setting me little tasks to do like writing lists on how to care for mum after dad passes and how to make dads life easier while he is with us. My son doesn’t understand that grandad is sick so still thinks he can play with him like he used too which for dad is hard as he struggles to walk. 
I just feel at the moment I have no positive look on anything and I worry about dad day to day 

thank you though I’m sure I will be on this page a lot as my emotions are really getting the better of me at the moment 

sending you lots of love xx