Boy am I overwhelmed! I have a parent whose cancer has come back and hes been diagnosed as palliative within 9 days! Hes been told he only has weeks to live, short months if hes lucky. How can the world change so much in a little over a week?!
I'm really struggling with his prognosis and the dynamics of the family at the moment. It's so hard to navigate all of my feelings and emotions. He has a relatively new girlfriend and she seems to come before anyone and anything despite them being together only a short time. And she smothers him constantly so its difficult to get a minute. Am I being selfish thinking about myself at such a time? Am I being a pushover? I'm I trying to make a relationship work out of fear of regret when he's gone when it's really not worth it?
I really don't know what to do. He always wants me when he needs me, but when I want to visit to just spend time with him, he says it's too much and it takes it out of him. Do I just leave him because that's what he wants and risk regretting not being there and spending time with him when he's gone? Or do I just show up and try spend time with him, risking him turning me away and hurting me even more. He has a new girlfriend and seems to want only her, no one else. Unless she's unavailable that is.
Why is it so hard?? In 2 weeks he might not be here anymore. My nice memories will forever be overshadowed by feelings of being so unwanted and insignificant in his final days. I feel I need to step back and give him space he seems to want, but have in the back of my head that I may never actually see him again.
I don't know if the point of this post was to ask for advice, to just rant or an attempt at gaining some form of validation. Goodness only knows. But thank you for taking the time to read this if you got this far Xxx
Hi MTBH24
I'm sorry to read that your parent has been given bad news and has not got much time left. It's understandable that you want to spend time with him but as I have incurable cancer myself, I understand exactly what he means when he says it takes it out of him. I love to see my family but I find it draining so I have to set limits.
Would it be worth asking them if there is anything you can do to help. That would be a way of seeing him and helping out but is less pressure on him to make conversation etc. There is no easy answer and it is a difficult situation for you all. Take light steps and offer help, if it is rebuffed then you'll know that you tried. Best wishes to you and your family.
A x
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