Diagnosis for Mom's cancer was worse than expected

It’s soooooo hard but please remember yourself in all this. There is only so much that one can take and cope with. Remember to take time out for just yourself, your own head space to just breathe and try to find calm even if just for a short space of time. Let the screams out! 

Hi , I’m so sorry you are going through this, I myself am in the same position. 
my mum had covid last sept/oct time, got quite unwell and went to A&E. 

after a chest x ray they found an incidental finding , which 2 months later after pet ct and biopsy was a large high grade cancer, there is also another in her upper lobe of lung. 
this was confirmed to be a secondary cancer as it did not have lung cancer ‘ make up’

we have been they are not able to find where the cancer has come from, and no treatment options available. 
My dad is immobile, and can’t care for himself, mum had been doing it all. 
now she is too unwell herself and her health has declined so much in just a few Months. 
im in the process of seeking support and to see what help we can get to keep mums wish of staying at home. 
she doesn’t want to go to hospice.

i am not really any help but I wanted to share my story ( or a little of it) with you, as you are not alone :( 

happy to chat if you ever need me , not that im any help other than I know how this feels. 

Take care & feel free to message anytime

xxx

Hi rio, 

It all sounds very similar, and it's extremely hard when both parents have "issues" of such magnitude. 

We have previously liased with adult social care mainly just for dad, prior to mom's diagnosis, whilst there are some hoops to jump through they have helped organise care visits to assist mom with dad. It has only been recently where roles are reversed almost. 

But that maybe an option for you to explore also. 

Here if you needed to chat also, in a bizarre way its nice to know I'm not alone x much love to you 

Thank you xx yes we did go to social services also for my dad to try get a wet room but the council refused it :( now I will

have to try again as they are both struggling to climb into the bath :( 

Having my own nightmares with the council here also. If they won’t allow a wet floor shower. . Which is actually an extremely toxic and messy thing to do how about one of these baths that have a door or getting one of the bath attachments that’s a seat over the bath that they can then lower themselves in. Just ideas. Sorry if they are not helpful. 

They are a nightmare! It’s like asking for blood really! Mums bath is a corner one, we tried a bath seat with lift but the shape of the bath makes it difficult for her to swing herself in and out or lay the seat back so she gets cold very quick. A bath with a door would be amazing but think we would have to fund this , but we just haven’t the money to do so :( 

it’s a hard battle for help. 
how are you today? I seem to have days or moments where I forget what’s happening then it all hits me again x

Yeah i’m with you in a way there. We urgently need a new boiler and have lead coming through our water. Can’t get any help. Scottish water are not bothering and the council say that unless they condemn the boiler we can’t get a new one and it takes the 2-3 months to do this. We can’t go that long with no heating or hot water. I have had to buy in water filters which I can’t afford so now food is a big issue and then I need to have money for petrol to be able to see Mum if she wants that. Everything in life is just *&£#. 
I am going through so many emotions. One moment I am ok and my brain is fogged but it’s kind of like everything is not happening then I can be in tears then angry then numb then feel like I am having a heart attack and cold. 
I would try calling some charities to try and get help for a bath with a door. I know there are Macmillian grants but I don’t know what these are for. I also don’t know what council your with but you can apply for a crisis grant which doesn’t need paid back. 
I am finding the same as yourself that the support and help that’s meant to be out there just isn’t. Everything is such a massive nightmare and battle even for simple things and at times like these and what we are going through with parents and loved ones it all just. . . . 

It really is a nightmare; and I feel the same as you, numb, then fine, then upset. 
feeling helpless totally x

Yip, fully understand, the best we can do is to focus on all the practical stuff to try and ease things for everyone and when we can’t even do that . . . Biggest hugs to you. I hope it brings you some comfort to know you are not alone. I just found out a few hours ago that my Mum toke an accidental overdose hence she has been comatosed. 

Oh my goodness, I hope she comes out of this ok :( 

my mum has been saying she would do this on purpose to end it all :( 

why a worry both ways, sending hugs to you and mum , please let me know she’s ok xx

take care xx