Told Mum has terminal cancer - Feel like i'm grieving already

So sorry to hear about your Mum’s diagnosis Carrie83, I’m going through this at the moment too. My Mum was diagnosed with advanced Breast cancer back in August, originally we were taking her to get it checked at the hospital and before we was waiting for the results, mum ended up in a&e and was admitted in hospital for 2 months with stomach problems. 
She’s home now since November in a hospital bed at home, in our living room, not sure how long she’s got, we were never told that. She’s on Palliative care. 
it’s so hard, I haven’t stopped crying nearly every day, I’m the one in the family who can’t control my emotions. As I’ve been the closest to, like a good friend I would share and do everything with her. I've found a way to leave the room, have a good cry and take some deep breaths. 
I’ve been asked to do the caring part which I’m struggling to do, we have 2 carers that come few times a day. I’m the one to give her medications twice a day which she hates taking. Sometimes I don’t get that enough support from the family. I have a mental health with anxiety I’ve now had to seek to get some counselling I’m awaiting to get. 
I feel I haven’t had much support from the hospital or hospice care teams or been told what to do as I’ve never done this before. We did talk with someone from the hospice lady who came to visit and talk with the family but I was an emotional wreck when discussed end-of-life care, she asked if I was ok and wrapped the meeting up and haven’t seen them in a few weeks. Just feel left to do everything ourselves, she's not eating very much now only eating mostly sweet foods and taking nutritional drinks. 
We can't discuss together about what will happen, cos I would only end up crying. I feel like I'm the only one who comforts and talks with her, it's hard what to say sometimes. 

It feels like I'm pre-griefing, I've had few family members like my grandparents who have passed years ago. 
Sending all my love to you, I'm always here if you want to talk about anything xx

So sorry you're going through this - I'm dealing with similar with my dad - s4 NSCLC with mets to bones. It's horrendous and takes over your whole life. Feel free to message me privately if you want to chat - I know how you feel and it's terrible xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Carrie83,

I can completely relate to your post. My mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in July 2021 which she beat, however we found out in July last year the cancer has came back in her liver. After lots of scans and apps the oncologist said with treatment she could get 2-3 years. 

However the first hormone therapy treatment she was on was awful she was just constantly nauseous and vomiting. She lost so much weight so quickly and ended up in a hospital stay. They then changed her treatment to a chemo tablet. But just watching how quickly she has deteriorated is the most heartbreaking thing. I feel like everyday I’m grieving the mum I always had. We’re so close and I just get so upset when she’s feeling down. She just hates how she’s feeling and keeps trying to be so strong but I’m sure it must feel awful being so sick all the time.  But also she just wants to fight so hard to live and spend more time with her family. 

Just wanted to let you know i completely understand how you’re feeling and it’s so hard when everyone’s lives seem to be so normal and easy. Yet everyday you’re fearing the worst and thinking of all the things you’ll miss together. If you need to chat feel free to message xx