He Feels Like a Stranger

So sorry for you both. You’re doing the best you really can. Your hubby won’t know whether he’s coming or going.  Sometimes you don’t know how to react to all the surgeries treatments, medication. Always feel like your mind and your body is not your own most of the time.

Having gone through Rectal cancer. My husband and I shared all the information but it doesn’t always feel like he understands all my emotions. Often 

you end up thinking that you are totally alone and that he  doesn’t realise it’s isolating. I can see that the way he looks at me he’s terrified of the next phonecall, test or surgery. Most of the time I don’t like to let him see how much I struggle. I take my hat off to all our loved ones support us so much.

its the sticky end of the wicket for our partners. Rest assured whatever you do for him he does appreciate it all, even though he sometimes doesn’t show it, because of pain and anxiety. I try to keep in mind all the loving good times we had and can still have.

It’s ok to let off steam and vent, it keeps us human. Nobody is perfect. I’m sure there is lots of tender loving care given. It does us good to say

this is crap.  Feel free to vent as much as you like.  All your emotions count too. Sending you pair Love and hugs. All the best for 2024.

Cecilia.

Hi thanks for your reply it means a lot you have taken time out your day :) Hopefully 2024 will be better for us all

Hi Louloo, 

I understand how you are feeling my husband has stage 4 bowel/liver and I feel like we too are just moving in totally opposite directions, and we barely speak sometimes. He just wants to get in with the day to day stuff and forget about it all. I totally get this as we too have two children (10&15) and he is trying his best to protect them and our families from whats to come. This is only making  me feel totally isolated and resentful as he won’t really talk to me. I hate the thought of how mine and the children’s life’s are going to crash in the coming months and am really struggling to move past that. It’s nice to be able to come here and be honest about my feelings. It really does help to see that we are not alone in out feelings xx

Hi Louloo, 

i get how you feel as well. I thought that my sympathy and sadness for my partner would override all other feelings, but I similarly feel angry with him more than I would have anticipated. So I agree that how you think a situation is going to be, isn’t quite what happens! My partner has stage 4 cancer as well and we are a year  since diagnosis now. I think it just becomes the new (horrible!) normal so you get annoyed/ frustrated and angry with just as many things as pre-diagnosis.

i Hope things get a bit better for you; but whatever the situation don’t beat yourself up about feeling whatever you feel, this is the most challenging situation and no one has a road map for it, we just get by as best we can - that’s my take on it. xx

Hi Ea1

Yes you are totally right the thought of been left behind with the kids and trying to pull them through as well as the financial implications are sooooo scary we just brought our first home in May 23 but he couldnt get life ins as harsh/callous as that sounds, its reality for me as I could lose not only my partner but our home as I have no idea how im going to keep a roof over our heads after whats to come and he doesnt want to talk about any of it he just says things like "well i wont be here to worry"?.  Its difficult as the only person who has ever helped support me in times of crisis is the one person who now cant or wont. I thought we were going to fight this together and it would strengthen our marriage ect but I feel its destroyed it all. Isolated is right Ive never felt so alone but your right it good to come on here and she others have similar feelings x

Oh wow, my husband has said exactly the same kind of thing, He’s worried about finances (which don’t get me wrong obviously concerns  me too)and I am stressing about the kids (not me so much) and he said well I won’t be here to worry about them, you’re going to have to deal with that! I totally feel the same I feel like we are almost moving away from each other rather than together. Perhaps it’s a protection mechanism for the future, but it totally sucks! 
happy to keep in touch, given out similar circumstances if you think it will help  xx

Yes for sure I'd love to xx when they say things like that its so soul destroying isnt it? I feel its a wicked thing to say but now you have pointed it out you may be right. Its too difficult for them to face up to so maybe a coping strategy? and agreed totally sucks xx

Hi Bella74

Yes if defo doesnt turn out as you expect and we definitely was not prepared, the physical side of things they tell you like communication and memory problems I could deal with, its the void of emotion I have trouble with. But all you guys on here are making things easier so Thank you xxx