My mum has had multiple internal melanomas over the last five years, which have metastasised pretty much everywhere at this point, but she has always been able to have treatment that has helped or had them removed. The most recent one metastasised in her brain and it caused multiple seizures in a 2 or 3 day period so I flew home from New Zealand (where I live now) as my Dad thought it was going to be the end a few weeks ago. Since then, she’s gone up and down but most recently she’s getting worse. The tumour causes swelling in her brain which causes her to have these seizures. Each seizure leaves her with a bit less and currently, she doesn’t have the use of her right arm, right leg and struggles with her speech. She can’t think of what she wants to say and can only really answer yes or no to questions. My Dad does everything for her and I’ve been trying to help whilst I’m home too.
It’s so sad watching her become a shell of who she was and I struggle with it as I can tell it frustrates and pains her, not being able to communicate or do the things she used to do. It’s also really hard not knowing what to say to my Dad because I can see he’s devastated and trying to hold it together as best he can but there’s nothing either of us can do. I think we both feel helpless.
I am also struggling to know what to do and live in limbo. I live on the other side of the world and I want to be here to spend as much time as I can with my mum but we just don’t know how long this will go on for. She could go tomorrow, it could be months and months from now. I never know whether to back to NZ now and come back when it gets worse or stay here at home and just wait.
Everything about this situation is the worst and it just all feels unfair, especially and mostly for my Mum who is such a fabulous smart woman and the tumour has taken a lot of it away, or at least locked it all in her head.
I would love to hear from anyone else who’s in a similar situation. I think I just need other people who understand.
