Struggling to cope with mum’s terminal cancer

Hi BusyBee90 I know exactly your feelings, my mum was also diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in July, also in her 60s and its been the hardest thing to go through. I am so sad and angry. I feel like it's been a very dark journey and a bit like we have been left in the dark at times. 

My mum also since diagnosis has just laid on the sofa and only goes out the house for treatment, I miss the old mother/daughter bond and things we got up to. My mum now has a hospital bed in her living room and at first i didn't know how to cope with that but it's been so much comfort to her and only this past week she's been so much more cheerful and chatty. 

I am too waiting on some counselling myself but I have found writing a daily diary has started helping me with my emotions and I know all too well how many emotions there are on this awful journey. 

We find out in 3 weeks if chemo has helped and I am so scared for this appointment. 

Sending love and positivity to you and your mum x

Hi, just read your post, and your feelings are how I’m feeling aswll,  my mum to in her 60’s diagnosed with this awful lung cancer in 2021- my mum stage 4-  she has had chemo and immunotherapy- so we was lucky and had given us more time with her , but this week a lesion on her brain -  -  this is what happned to me all through this journey -  my health anxiety was awful still is - but I did a cognigtive behaviour therapy course- spoke with the therapist every week- they try to help you train your brain before you start over thinking -   -  for me I’m so angry - my dad died suddenly when I was 19- so was robbed of my dad at a young age - and now my mum to, I’m the same why my mum the kindest person  you could met-  you feel like no one understands - me personally I feel like I’m grieving for some one who hasn’t passed-  your angry upset scared - and then normal day life is utterly exhausting- - I don’t have any answers - but you are not alone on your feelings and emotions -   As for the shower part - I’ve not washed my hair for over a week - so I kno how u feel my luv,   You probably have friends and family around you, but you still feel lonely in your mind - that’s how I feel /. All I ever wanted for some one to say everything is going to be ok -  I’m so sorry your going through this . But my point is your feelisngabre normal,  taking each day at a time as hard for me - so I take each hour - and get through the day like that - xx sending u big hugs x and I’m so so sorry I wish I could be more help -   But maybe the cognitive therapy could be some help-  as you mentioned about anxiety’s and OCD.  Xx x.  Nicole x

Thank you for your response.

I am so sorry to hear that. 

I do hope you get some positive news in three weeks time. 

I am definitely going to start the feelings diary. There’s so much in my head that I just want to get out but sometimes feel bad for constantly offloading on other people, especially if they are close family as they are feeling it too. 

Sending you strength and love and thanks

xx

I feel like you have hit the nail on the head with how I am feeling. Thank you. 

I am due to start some high-intensity CBT on Tuesday. I really hope that it makes even a little bit of difference. I’m going to fully invest in it so I get the most out of it that I possibly can. 

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. 

I definitely feel like I am grieving and have been for a while, as her decline has been so rapid and everything we had has been snatched and replaced with this pain that cannot be eased. My mum has always been my best friend and has always been the person I have relied upon so going through something like this without her to go to is horrendous. I actually feel like she has coped it better than all of us (my family). Im so proud of her. 

I am definitely going to take your advice of one hour at a time, as even one day at a time feels too much at the moment. 

Thanks again for your kind words.

Sending love and strength x

I really feel your pain, and I am so sorry that this is happening, please let me kno how u get on with Cbt, and please message me any time , if I can help even if that’s listening or offering of my own advice on things , please inbox me xxxxx.  But I promise what  you are feeling is normal, xxx 

So sorry to hear about your mum. My dad has just been diagnosed with incurable prostate cancer. He is fading away in front of my eyes. He looks so pale, frail and he has lost a lot of weight. I suffer with depression and I'm not coping. I am due back at work next week and I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do it. I just want to spend as much time as possible with him and help. I am on a waiting list for counselling but I can't cope day to day.

I'm so sorry.

I sit at home. My Dad has been not himself for maybe 9months. Testa in October told ita stage 4 advanced lung cancer in November. In his lymph nodes and eating away at his rib cage.

I resonate with numb. 

Words of wisdom..I'm not sure.

We get up. We do our job. We look after our families. We then look after our parent. Clean..shop and wash.

I'd like to say try to be selfish. Sometimes I just sit in Costa and say to myself..this is my time..my mental health break time. Granted I might have a silent cry.

Please find 5 mins each day just to be alone with your own thoughts doing something nice...I had a foundation match done in boots this afternoon. 5 mins someone trying moisturizer on me. Was actually wonderful. 

I have a sister. But as family goes we are very very small. I dont want to see her or talk to her. We share out weekly visits so Dad has someone most days. When I'm my myself I'm sad and in denial. When I see my sister it's real.

Being lonely is hard but better than having to be open and honest about what will happen in the next few months.

Never thought I'd join a group. But here I am.

Find moments of pleasure and think about them hard. Enjoy them.

P xx

I’ve just joined her today and read your reply - the words you have written although sad gave me such comfort - I see my poor dad declining day by day and it hurts me so much- today has hurt the most and I have cried my eyes out - on my bed on my own as my kids and husband go about their evening. Thank you for sharing how you feel - it’s helped me beyond words  

I feel every word in this post

I’m struggling with these emotions too so I just wanted to say that you are not alone x