Mum has been given 6 months left

Hi emrose3 

I'm so sorry to read about your mum and the distress it must be causing to you all. I have stage 4 endometrial cancer, I have had treatment and my cancer has been stable for 1 year. However I have been advised to expect it to be back at some point. I can only have chemo to treat it so I will eventually run out of options or my body won't be strong enough to take the treatment. I have an only daughter, her name is Emily Rose and she is nearly 30, so very similar.

Is your mum having district nurse visits for support and to manage her pain. If not, a home visit by her GP would be a good place to start. Is your mum supported by a local hospice, they really are the best in terms of pain relief. Your mum's Specialist Nurse may be able to organise. Once these basics are covered your mum may be able to think about short trips that may lift her spirits, like a visit to a park or the seafront, in a wheelchair. You can apply for a wheelchair at your GP surgery. Your mum may not be eating much, what does she enjoy as a treat? I would probably like M&S trifle or small pot of custard. It's the little things that will lift her a little.

I really wouldn't worry about what to say. When I was in pain and had poor mobility it was actions that I remember. I know that support and help with daily living will be much appreciated. I expect your mum has known that this time would come at some point, just as I know that my time will come. Just knowing you are there for her is enough. I hope I have given you some ideas, take all the support from her health team and know that your mum appreciates you. Can I also suggest that you ring the Macmillan support line, they are excellent and will give you some support, this is the link to contact https://www.macmillan.org.uk/about-us/contact-us

You are not alone, just remember that. Best regards to you and your family.

A x

Hi emrose3,

I do not know how to help or what to say, I am in a similar situation. Mom was diagnosed with co-rectal cancer in January 2022, after being treated for years for constipation.  She was told stoma or a few months. She had stoma op and radiation and made huge strides. Then a few months ago went downhill rapidly, a visit to her oncologist the first in 12 months concerns were raised. She was sent for scans within 48 hours and then 10 days later told 3-6 mths,

So how do you cope, I've a marvellous supportive hubby who holds me whilst I cry, rant and regret in the early hours of the morning and then present the world with my everything is ok face in the morning, He remembers the times 42 years ago we did this with his mom and breast cancer. So we go to my parents and talk about happy times, put them in the car and go for a drive. Not easy as it takes a lot of planning. We try, sometimes successfully, sometimes not of what mom wants. Sometimes, in fact yesterday, whilst she was telling me how my dad gets on her nerves and no one knows how she is feeling, I responded with its not just happening to you. We are all having to deal with this and now I feel really bad as I said when you leave us we will be left with the guilt of making you unhappy. 

I am fortunate to have a supporting hubby and friends who are constantly telling me you cannot do everything. Its ok to be angry, its ok to let your mom know how you feel as this affects everyone. 

I am, possibly more fortunate than you as my mom is 84 but my mom in law was only 42 when we first faced this. I was 24 and expecting our first baby. 

Nothing makes it easy but with my mother in law we were more tentative, with my mom I am more upfront. I feel it is important to share how you are feeling, not to make her feel bad but so she knows you are loving and do not know what to do to make her feel better. Mom and I have shed tears together and laughter.

People say make the most of the time you have together but at the moment I don't want to remember my mom as she is now. When the nurse tells me she's struggling I am yelling inside, I know! She is my mom and I know her you don't. So emrose3 be strong but remember in all this she is your mom and you are and always will be her little girl. You want to do what you think is right and protect her but her first priority is to protect you. Take care of yourself as that is vital too. x