Looking for mental support

Hi. I'm sure the appropriate Community Champion will be along soon to more expertly signpost you to some resources. All I want to say is that I have found this community in general and the specific sub-fora in particular helpful in addressing my own diagnosis/prognosis and, yes, there are places here you can rant in without judgement.

It is good to talk, even virtually.

Best wishes.

Maninbath

Hi

I am in a similar situation with my mum hence how I've found this page after numerous Google searches. My mum is at end stage of life and I am struggling so much 

It’s hard isn’t it, I feel like adult children are quite overlooked when it comes to support from health services in these circumstances. I am really sorry to hear about your mum, I hope you can find some support here xx

My wife is dying from breast cancer, its spread to her bones and liver. She's still here after 3years but I fear the future. 3 years of weekly treatment, continuous pain, not sleeping. We've probably seen our grown up children a dozen times since the diagnosis. I work in a high stress uniformed environment, now part time. She gets an hour a day care and is alone until I get home. We are both lonely. No one cares. I do everything but I don't know what I will do when she's gone when there's nothing to do. I'm angry at the NHS who failed her, the GP was a joke, they filed to diagnosed it at first, delayed treatment because of covid. Rochelle sleeps until lunch, then is in constant pain until bed time. We sleep apart so I can get a little sleep but I hear her weeping at night. I'm selfish but bills need paying and I need to work to get put of the house. No one understands, I think they think I'm a waster at work because everyone has an idea you die straight away when you get a terminal diagnosis but it's dragged on and I'm sure they're bored of my conversation so don't ask anymore.no one understands or really cares unless it effects them directly or a close family member like your mum or partner. I don't know how old you are but I'm in my 50s and I feel like a crying child. I have no parents or grandparents left. I'd love to talk to my mum but can't. I'm rambling now, sorry. You will find your answers. I haven't found any help that worked, they just sign post you to someone else who does the same. No one can help, there is no cure and no future. I will stay until she's gone then jump ship. My selfish step child and my children will realise that time is free and when parents have gone there's no going back to visit. I will probably leave my home to MacMillan just to spite the kids. I'm angry at everything.

I hope things work out for you.

I’m really sorry to hear about your wife, I can’t imagine it. I do find that people avoid asking me about my mum because it’s just awkward for them and it’s a conversation they don’t really want to have and I kinda get that but everyone needs an outlet. 
Have you tried talking to your kids? I went through a little phase where I kinda avoided my mum to be honest, it was out of fear of me facing up to the whole cancer thing, I just never knew what to do or say to her. 
I agree about the NHS, my mum could have been diagnosed far earlier and perhaps wouldn’t be terminal but nobody would listen to her. You can’t help but think “what if” and feel incredibly let down by the people you trust. Unfortunately I am yet to find help, I am just constantly referred from charity to charity, nobody has actually given the help I want. I even went to a macmillian center, cried my eyes out asking for help and was given another charity to go to. 
I hope you can find some help yourself, it’s hard when things are out of our control and I think it’s completely normal to be so angry at everything and everyone. 

I wanted to add in that I feel people don’t appreciate how hard it is to go to work when these things are going on in your life, please give yourself some credit for that x

Hi there

Im so sorry you are going through this hell on earth. I have just joined the group as my husband has bile duct cancer and like you I’m desperate to find someone who is understanding and can give support and help. 
I’ve ‘joined’ MacMillan in the hope that someone will let help me! 
It goes without saying I will respond to you if you care to write to me, but I’m not sure I will be much use. 
ARY 

Sorry to hear about your husband, cancer is one of those things that just doesn’t seem real isn’t it! Unfortunately I am yet to find any help, I visited my local macmillian center, they referred me to a charity called Penny Brohn who said they can offer me 6 sessions of counselling via the phone, however I am still waiting for them to send me the forms to fill out to join the wait list. Just seems like so many hoops and pillars to get through when you want help as supporting person. 
I hope you are able to get help too, I don’t know about you but I’ve struggled with the guilt of having feelings in this situation when it’s not me with the cancer. Everything just feels complicated and it’s hard to explain to people sometimes so reaching out to like minded people will hopefully help xx

I couldn’t agree with you more. Everyone says seeks help but when I start searching I can’t find any.  It’s so difficult and I can’t rely on my friends all the time to pick me up. Our local surgery has been on no help whatsoever. 
There are days which I’m already finding it difficult and yet I know we are only at the beginning of this frightful time. I’m not sure I will be able to give 24hr care at home, but I don’t want to let my husband down. 

It’s ridiculous how hard it is to get help considering this is such a major thing, I’m kinda giving up on the idea of help now. I feel like all these charities are dangled in front of us and then they don’t really help. 
If you feel that you need help to look after your husband then that’s not letting him down, if anything getting help is the opposite of letting him down, you’ll be doing what you need to get him the right care. Caring for someone 24/7 isn’t easy and it isn’t for everyone so please don’t let yourself feel guilty for it or anything like that. 
Has your husband started any treatment yet? It’s hard at first because soooo much information is thrown at you x

Morning - he starts his palliative treatment on Friday. That is if we go that route. 
We have a local hospice so I’m going to contact them next week. For everything else, including MacMillan I need to get a referral from my GP surgery. They are useless at the best of times and getting hold of them is a mission and a half

Onwards with the day.