Dad dying of oesophageal cancer

I am completely new to this - my mum was diagnosed two weeks ago with oesophageal cancer which has spread to the lungs and is untreatable. What you are experiencing is what I am dreading. We have been contacted by a dietician and I wonder if this would be a starting point for you? They might be able to give you all advice on how to proceed.  I assume palliative care will be experienced with how to support your dad and all of you when the swallowing gets even worse.  I am torn regarding how much to learn about what’s coming versus trying to manage one day at a time. We are going to start looking at the Ensure type drinks to help supplement my mums diet. Maybe your dad might be open to some of them. Good luck. 

Thank you. Yes, my dad has Ensures on prescription. They are helping. We also have the palliative nurse coming on Tuesday so I hope she will help us with food support. We will have to get clear on what foods are best for him. They say soft, mushy and liquid. But we do need ideas to make it enjoyable for him still to eat. Although he says his appetite is reducing and that he doesn’t feel very hungry. I am so sad this is happening, both for him and mum who doesn’t manage that well herself.  

By the way, dad’s has also spread to the lungs. And he has had bladder cancer too. Treated, touch wood, successfully about 2 months ago. It’s not fair what he is going through. Nor your mum. His breathing is ok at present. 

I’m going to document here, if it’s ok, the symptoms I am seeing my dad go through. Please don’t follow if distressing. But there is so little genuine info about what happens. Overnight, my dad had a second episode of what I can only describe as a cross between being sick and clearing phlegm, after just taking some water this time. It was clear sticky, runny phlegm. But quite a lot of it. My dad knew when it had cleared and was able to go back to bed to sleep. But now feels he is better sleeping more upright. 

In the past couple of days, Dad has deteriorated somewhat. He is still Dad but he is now very thin and has had a few more of the ‘wretching’ episodes. Some just through drinking water. One where he caught a small piece of potato in soup in his pipe. It gave him a lot of pain until he cleared it by coughing. He cannot eat watermelon any more. He is drinking more Ensures, yogurts, he enjoyed eating very soft egg. But it dawned on him today that he won’t be able again to enjoy his favourite things like egg and bacon and that was a heartbreaking moment. These moments of reality check are shocking to him and to us to watch. We still have a laugh and talk about telly. In that respect, life continues as normal until the next reality check. It’s an unbearable yo-yo of suspense. Yesterday he went to sleep all morning. He told me it was so he could forget about it for a while. Yet he has walked the dog with me and my sister for two days. Slowly but surely. This is a very cruel disease. You can think for fleeting moments you are ok. But you’re not. Not at all. 

We are trying to get things in order, re paperwork. But it is so hard to concentrate on. Life has just stood still as far as my work is concerned. 

But the thing that shook me up the most was his anticipatory drugs arriving and taking them home. My poor dear dad. Sorry if this is all too sad to read. 

 I am so sorry to hear ths postion your dad and family are in .

I have already gone through this with my dear dad .

We found as a family reminising about holidays and days out ,funny episodes when we were young helped  .Dad seemed to enjoy this and he sèemed calm and content  that we could look back on our childhood with such fondness.We carried on with this even when he was bed ridden and was very sleepy but we knew he could hear  us .

Thank you for the reply. Were your dad’s final days peaceful and pain free?

So, dad had a terrible day on Friday at home, continuing his wretching problem. But it was much worse and there was blood in what he brought up. Sometimes quite considerable amounts of blood. He was sick even taking a sip of water sand could keep nothing down. We called out the district nurse and they were lovely and used some of the drugs we had at home. But they didn’t help much. He was still in a bad way by 4pm and I had to call out the 24/7 Lifeline service. They called an ambulance (wonderful staff) and dad was admitted to A&T about 8pm. We waited until 2am for him to be found a bed. His wretching continued throughout. He was totally exhausted by it. We didn’t want to leave him but he asked us to go. He was later admitted to the Acute Medical Unit and put on a saline drip and vitamin/nutrient drip. The palliative team said hospital was the correct call in our case  

Saturday he was still regularly wretching, bringing up fluffy, bubbly clear mucus. With some more violent bouts of bloody liquid. 

Today, Sunday when we visited, sadly Father’s Day :(  he was not wretching at all. But he had had one of his more violent bloody moments earlier in the afternoon, before we arrived (he said it looked like dark chocolate). He said it came out of his nose too. :(  I  hope he has a calm night and gets some sleep. 

Hi yes he was very peaccful ,he was at home where he wished to be .We sat round doing a cross word as we always did .So he could hear the usual banter.He just slept more and more .The last thing he tasted on his lips was a taste of port which he asked for a bottle of in his last week.x

Thank you. xx