Terminal diagnosis - Oesophageal Cancer

Hi smac88, 

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It’s so hard. 

I didn’t really want to reply and give a negative story but I see no one has replied, everybody’s journey is different. My dad is 69 and was diagnosed with stomach cancer November, inoperable. They offered chemo.. had three cycles seemed to be doing well (I thought it was working) fast forward to developing a pulmonary embolism and hospitalised he was declining, Had a scan, we were told the cancer had progressed (we were told the news last week Tuesday), they did offer another chemo he said no. In a week my dad has become immobile and weak, struggling to get out of bed, gagging when trying to eat. I can’t believe it in a week, it’s horrific/ heart rendering. My dad was working 3 weeks ago.

I’m not saying it will the same for your dad and I certainly hope not, I don’t think anyone can give an exact answer. Three weeks ago he was working as a carpenter with weight on him. I think alot of it has to do with his mental health, he has given up and desperately wants to go… hence the rapid decline. He keeps asking to go..he’s built up with fluid.. palliative care say he is not ready but he so is.. he wants a hospice they say no. Everyday he is declining and yet “he’s not there yet” they say. I’m fighting and advocating… it’s so frustrating! He’s being assessed by the doctor tomorrow from my fight. I suppose At least they have provided his anticipatory medication although a nurse has to be called to give this. I so don’t want him in pain. 

Please be assured there is no time on this horrendous disease. Your dad should have been referred to palliative care.. please ask the GP or oncologist. I hope I haven’t upset you in anyway.. and I really wish you well. Sending love to you and your dad x

Thanks Louise.

I'm so sorry that things have declined quickly for your Dad, I really hope he gets the pain under control and feels a bit more comfortable soon. You haven't upset me, don't be silly. I think because we knew from the start that there wasn't a way out we are prepared for the inevitable but I just don't know how quickly the decline will happen.

Like your Dad mine has still been working and going to the pub with his friends etc, I think if that stops that's what will make him decline faster so I'm hoping that he's still fit enough to keep going.

I get married next year and his aim was to make that but with the way things are going I am no longer hopeful for the happy day we had envisioned together, but miracles do happen.

If you need someone to chat to or any help please don't hesitate to reach out to me

Good luck with everything, and hold your Dad as close as you can, tell him the secrets you never did and just be his comfort. xx

Ah thank you so much for the message. Miracles certainly can happen and I hope it does for you.. it would be great if your dad could see you get married, let’s hope he holds onto that. Yes my Dads life was work, he loved it and now he can’t it’s broken him. He sold his van this week and that’s a major blow. It’s horrendous this journey and very important to look after yourself as best you can (I’ve tried and failed miserably). 

Be with him as much as you can and support him, I think the hardest thing I’ve felt is being helpless as there is nothing I can do apart from advocate for him now. I want him to be ok and wish all this never happened. It’s took over me. I suppose in this journey we get to say our goodbyes and out things in order, it’s still awful and so sad. I really wish you and your dad the very best. Let’s hope he manages to keep going for that pint!  My dad god love him is still managing his one can of larger on an evening. 

thank you again and I really wish you all the best, I’m also around if a chat is useful (it’s hard talking to friends for support) as unless you have been through it I don’t think it’s fully understood. So yes I’m here too. Give your Dad a big hug xxx