My sister was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer last August, and has now got a saddle blood clot for which she is being treated at home. They won't resuscitate her if her heart stops, and she can't have the super bllod clot dissolving medication because she'll bleed internally and ITU won't take her because of her cancer diagnosis, so she would die. If feels like her option of whatever life she has to live has been removed by that decision. I'm not sure how she keeps going and is so matter of fact when I could dissolve into tears at any time, and often do (though not in front of her)
She's only 55 and the thought of not having her with me break me. I don't know what I'll do without her. We;ve already had to stop doing things that we used to do, and this isn't going to get better. Her life has become so small and I can't do anything to make it better. She just wants things to be normal, which I get, but I just want to be with her all the time.
How do you cope with grieving before someone has gone?
Sorry
Hi SSWIC,
It’s Megan here from Macmillan’s Online Community team. I saw your post and wanted to offer some support whilst you are waiting for other group members to reply.
I am so sorry to hear about your sister’s situation and how you are coping. When being there to support a loved one it’s important that you have access to support so I’m glad you have found your way to the Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum.
This group is a safe and supportive space for you to talk to others, ask questions and share how you are feeling. Another way of finding support here on the Online Community is by reading our Community news blogs. In this part of the site, the Online Community team shares guest blogs, site updates, and support information.
You asked in your post about the feeling of grieving for someone before they have died. It’s often known as anticipatory grief and if you want to know more about this, you may like to read our ‘Coping with anticipatory grief when you’re supporting someone with cancer’ blog. It features the experiences of other Community members and additonal support information.
There are other blogs you can read in our ‘supporting someone with cancer’ section.
If you’d find it helpful to talk, there are teams on the Macmillan Support Line that can lend a listening ear. They’re also there to provide emotional support, practical information, and financial guidance. To get in touch, you can call 0808 808 00 00, use live webchat or email during the hours of 8am-8pm every day.
I hope the above information is helpful to you and will help you access the support you are looking for just now. If there is we can do to help you use the site or find additional support, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can email Community@macmillan.org.uk or send a private message to the Moderator account.
Best wishes,
Megan
Macmillan's Online Community team
