Wife diagnosed with MBC in August — prognosis?

Hi Ann, Welcome to the community forums. To borrow somebody else's phrase, 'you're not in the club nobody wants to join'.

I'm afraid I don't know what 'MBC' is, but my mum (mom!) has advanced lung cancer and bone mets. I would swap everything I have in the world for a prognosis of 5-6 years. We found out 2 weeks ago and her prognosis is sadly a lot, lot shorter than that. This is an educated guess of course, and everybody's journey is their own, and very personal one, but alas here we are.

You'll find a lot of information on this site, and a lot of support here too. I hope it brings some comfort.

Hi Mav,

Thank you for answering. MBC is metastatic breast cancer. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. You’re right, of course, that years is much longer than many people get. I think it’s the shock since no one had put it so starkly before. 

sending love to you and your family.  Xxx  Ann

Hi Ann, Thoughts are with you. I only got the news 2 weeks ago about my mum. I wish they'd caught it earlier so we could do bucket-list things with her and pack as much in to the time we have as possible. Alas we can't and just have to make the most of the time we have.

I'll never forget when we were told the news. I'm glad I was there for my mum, and my dad, but it's something I will never ever forget. I can't imagine what it is like for her, or my dad. It's hard enough for me.

It takes time to process, but then you do process it and adapt to this new chapter in your lives. I don't know if I'll ever get over it, but I'm just doing the best I can for mum while I can, whilst juggling work and kids.

Hi Mav,

Yes, hearing it for the first time is the worst.  It's like time stops and warps.  I'm trying to just let it be there.  And let myself be there.  I don't think we ever really do get over stuff like this, but we just somehow keep going.  I know you are doing your absolute best and that they are lucky to have you.  Sending a big hug.  Ann

Hi Ann, Time for me is going so quickly. Quicker than it ever has before in my life. I think I am already changed as a person because of this, and will never be the same person I was again. I hope that there is a lot of good in that change. More empathy, more appreciation perhaps.

It's so hard to lose yourself in memories, and worry about the future, and miss out on the present, which we're so lucky is still here.

Hi Mav, All totally true.  There will always be a us before and us after.  I had a terrible trauma when I was 25 and even though it was so long ago I still absolutely tell my life as before it happened and after it happened, down to the date.  And now I've changed again to the Ann who knows about cancer.  I'm scared that I'm not doing the right things.  I do know my experience all those years ago brought out some good in me, or made some of the parts that were there better.  My empathy grew a lot.  My appreciation for the people who loved me. All those things.  But like this, I wish like h*** that I had never had the experience.

However you are dealing with this is the exactly right way to do it.  Your heart will tell you what to.  All my  love, Ann

I get frustrated that there aren't more hours in the day, that I can't do more, or have more quiet moments. Everything has just taken over and I feel like I cannot control any of it.

Part of me is so glad and lucky that I haven't experienced this before, but this means I don't have the experience to do things better, ask the right questions, or say the right thing all the time.

You can only try your best. It's just so painful emotionally knowing that this is something that is going to beat us no matter what.