Head and neck cancer

So sorry Lucy my mum just got a diagnosis of terminal cancer yesterday. Different circumstances to yourself but the pain the same and I guess you are completely all over the place. I’m not sure if I can say a thug to make you feel better but I just wanted to acknowledge yr message as I’m new on here. Sending love x

Thank you so much. I am finding myself going between being hopeful and being hopeless. I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. It’s so bloody cruel and heartbreaking.I have no idea how to think, feel or react anymore. 

This week I have experienced much of the same emotions. We found out my mum has been diagnosed with no options of surgery, chemo, radio etc. we are looking at palliative and making sure she is comfortable as possible. 
it’s the hurt in our hearts as we heard the news and have to share it with others. 
I’m sorry I don’t have any advice to offer as trying to process this too. But I have received amazing support and encouragement here and I’m so glad I found this space to be able to vent, share and feel supported. It sounds like you have a close family unit. Take comfort in the fact your brother will know this too, I’m trying to notice every little detail of the time I am spending with mum now. The smells, the touch and the sounds. 

I’m both dreading the months ahead and being grateful that we have the opportunity to make them matter and cherish every second, 

sending a big virtual hug. 

Hey Lucy I can imagine, it’s absolutely awful and you will be going through a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s sounds like your’e having to hold your whole family together at the minute. I’m the same ok one minute then complete despair the next. It’s almost like watching everything ominous slow motion. I feel for you all and again sending love.x I only found on Friday my mum was told she had cancer last year she had her kidney out in may and was tilde stage one cancer free. Forward six months no other checks and now I two tumours in only kidney n three in her lung. It’s so scary isn’t it. Everyone suffers including the person who has been told. Try look after you and keep your good friends around you xx

Sorry for the typos it’s 530 in the morn not got my glasses on lol:/

• So sorry for your mum,  I’m similar to you , I’ve just found out about mum on Friday.  Those awful emotions,  it is like your heart is breaking and that feeling is just there all day and through the night. The hardest part is being strong but I think our loved ones are going to worry about leaving us so as hard as it we have to take or reduce that worry as much as possible. Share the memories and give them as much love as you possibly can. It’s so awful and sad. Sending love  xx

That made me laugh! 

Lucy - being the patient is one thing, being part of the support network is another thing entirely. Trauma can be experienced vicariously and you need to try and adopt some sort of self-care process because you are not a super hero and you cannot be everything to everyone.

In your situation where your brother is at the centre of everything that’s occurred it makes things far more emotive, right? I guess it’s fair to say that no one is able to change things and as others have eluded to - now is the time to ‘try’ and make the best of the situation you have in-front of you.

I would hope that you have a friend or colleague that you are able to use as a soundboard because take it from me, just offloading about how rubbish things can be is cathartic even if you need them to rant at or share a tear with…