I’m not ready

I’m so so sorry. You have literally told my story. It’s overwhelming and unbearable. I don’t have any answers and I wish someone did for me.. but nobody can. I’m grieving for someone who is still here. I so want to get out of this nightmare. I’m so sorry. Thinking of you x

Thank you and thinking of you too x

Hello lovely girl, looks like you love your dad an awful lot. I am in the reverse situation, my cancer is not cureable and I have two daughters who I love dearly.

My wish is for them not to grieve for me, but to enjoy the time we have left and  eventually when I'm gone, to remember me in a good way. Remember everything,  not just the good times, but everything that you had as a family.

It is heartbreaking for me to see them sad, so just love him, support him and love and support your mum as she is suffering too.  Try not to be sad when you are with him, because it would only upset him. Don't be too gushy, but hugs ad kisses are a great salve.

I will say a little prayer for your family and we send you so much love

To Louise 8321, if you are reading this, our love and best wishes to you as well.

If you need help or support at any time, Macmillan people are fantastic.

Hi oldwoodsie, 

ah that post brought a tear to my eye. So lovely. I’m so sorry you are in this situation. If I had one wish it would be to eradicate this horrible disease that’s rips us all apart. I will be saying a prayer for you and your lovely daughters. I wish you well and thank you for replying. 

one thing I have learned in this terrible journey is how kind people have been along with all the nurses. 

I really wish you well Mike along with your family. Sending a hug  

XXX

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation and know that I don't have long with our dad. It's heartbreaking in so many ways. I'm thinking of you and your family.

I can empathise with your feelings of being frightened.  I wish I could offer some crumb of help in what to do but, my dad has just been diagnosed with bowel & then lung cancer within a space of weeks.  We’re still in the testing phase and don’t know any care pathway.  My mum dad and I share a house as mum and I have long term health problems and dad always said he was the fittest amongst us, now this as hit him like a steam train.  I’m 50 next month and I just want to to see my dad as he was 3 months ago (obviously it’s been sneaking around his body before it was found) he was such an active 77 year old and now he’s frail and frighted.  I’m even wondering what the pint of anything is, I don’t have a husband, never found one who could live up to my dad, I don’t have children except for the two with paws.

I hope you can find some peace with your broken heart but I’m not sure how we can meand them when they’re in so many pieces.

Hi all. Apologies for the delayed reply, my dad was admitted to hospital with an infection which was on the verge of sepsis, so he got treated for sepsis. 
He’s back home now but as usual when he goes into hospital, he wasn’t prescribed his pain meds or his anti sickness meds so he didn’t eat for another 5 days. 
I read all of your replies and I’m so grateful to you all for taking the time to respond. 
One thing that we’re finding particularly stressful is whenever the palliative care team visit, they insist on talking about my dad’s wishes. 
He’s already stated that he would rather be at home or in a hospice, but they keep bringing it up. It really upsets my dad. Today they were saying “what if you had a chest infection and needing IV antibiotics, would you really want to be bundled up and taken to hospital?” And because my dad feels intimidated by healthcare professionals, he tends to agree with them, even though afterwards he will say differently. I hate the leading way these questions are posed and the fact that it is one of the few things that really distressed him. Is there any way we can ask them to stop this line of questioning? I will post this as a new thread as well. 

Hello, so sorry that you and your dad are going through this rough time.

If it was me, I would ask my dad to put down in writing what his real wishes are.

I would speak to the palliative care team and remind them that it's not only the physical side of things they look after, but also the mental and emotional issues. 

If your dad wants to stay at home, let him, if he wants to be in a hospice, let him. He can receive medication at home or in a hospice and does not have to be " bundled up and taken to hospital"..  this is his life and his decision.

My love and very best wishes to you and your dad.xxx

Thank you, I think that is a good idea. It’s just frustrating that he’s already said his wishes and they keep asking. I will definitely push back if they ask again.