My name is Carole and I am 76 years old ( 77 next week). My husband 77, was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma In October 2021, has done 1 year of chemo and is now on maintenance until it rears its ugly head again. Due to Covid, he had not had the annual health check for over a year and it was diagnosed from that check in 2021. Due to a heart condition, AF, we had been extremely careful to keep him safe so we had hardly any contact with people for over18 months before MM and now it is 2.5 years of this state of play which has been so isolating.
Prior to retirement, G had a post as head of the Personal dept of a major organisation and I was Head of a Communications Faculty in a high school. Post retirement, we have renovated and sold 3 houses in France, the last one sold because of Covid and wanting to do something different.Boy, has it turned out to be different!!
We have very different personalities. G is quite content in his own company whilst I love being with people and organising. He doesn’t have hobbies or friends. I am completely the opposite and am always engrossed in some kind of research or groups. I am sure everyone can understand what that means when a pandemic throws you together 24/7.
In the early weeks after diagnosis, everyone was concerned and helpful but, as the time went by and we appeared to be coping, that trailed off. Our 2 children have extremely busy lives and important professional jobs as well as teenage sons who need to be taken to training and matches for football and rugby so the weekdays are really busy and even weekends are taken up with family life. They also think we are coping well but, frankly, we are, at the moment, in a very dark place emotionally and I have had a meltdown.
G is able to do some tasks but many need my input. His meds make him forgetful and confused so most of the management of his illness and the home is down to me. Whereas before, I would question or challenge things, I now have to smile sweetly, keep calm and do everything asked of me so I am physically and mentally exhausted. Our family is happy to do tasks if we ask but they can’t cope with the emotional side and I can’t unburden on friends all the time. Everyone tells me I need to take care of myself but frankly I do not have the time or the energy to pursue my own hobbies and I can’t go out in company because he is so worried about me bringing Covid into the house.
Right now, I would like to buzz off to Paris for a few days R&R and just have someone look after me for a while. Am I being totally selfish when G is the most important person here and I know his lifespan is now limited, possibly considerably limited? I just feel so lonely and, even if I am just popping out, I feel as though I have to ask him if he’d like to come because he is fed up of being in the house.
