Hi there , I’m new to all of this but thought it might help with what I’m going through. I’m 25 and my mum is 57, and she is facing a terminal cancer diagnoses of the bile duct and bowel. She has been having chemo for almost two years , which has recently come to an end as there is nothing more they can do for her.
My mum has been so positive throughout it all , but has recently become a lot more tired , anxious and teary (understandably). I think she has been so strong for me and my sister. We’re not sure how long she has left , but I sense she is starting to think more about the end, and I worry we have weeks rather than months left. I’m very worried for the weeks ahead and seeing her be more and more unwell and want to support her the best I can. My partner and family are amazing but I’m finding it difficult as my mum is always the one whose shoulder I cry on , and I don’t feel like I can do that anymore. We’ve had a lot of conversations about how much we all mean to each other over the past 2 years but I’d like to write her a letter expressing how grateful I am , but I don’t want to upset her even more , or seem like I’m mourning her before she’s gone. It is difficult to speak to friends , as they never know what to say , and I find myself trying to spin a positive to make them feel comfortable.
grateful for any kind words of support , and thinking of those in a similar situation to me and my family xxx
HI Sunflower997
a warm welcome to the online community. I can empathise with where you are coming from. My husband, now 53, has a terminal diagnosis and there are so many conversations that will never be had. He has a stage 4 brain tumour that has compromised speech/language and understanding so that makes it even harder to express ourselves. My kids are 22 and 25 and I see them struggling with the whole situation and that's tearing me apart as much as the thought of losing my husband who I have been with for 34 years. We met when I was 18 and since then there has been no one else for me. I've joked many times that he's my worst addiction.
Personally I think it is natural to feel as though you are mourning the person before they've gone. The diagnosis itself steals the person from you. I know the kids and I certainly felt as if we'd partially mourned their dad in the weeks after his diagnosis in Sept 2020. Now so much time has passed and he's surpassed the doctors expectations that I expect it to hit us all like a ton of bricks when he passes. There is no right or wrong way to feel. We are all emotional beings so let those emotions flow. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength and resilience,
I'm an author - words are my thing - so I love the idea of writing a letter to your mum but rather than think of the negatives as you write it why not recall how she's inspired you to be the wonderful person you are, how she's influenced your current and future life, how you've learned from her. Add in some special memories too. Make it more of a "thank you" rather than dwelling on the sad times.
Just a thought. I'm sure you'll find the right words in your own beautiful way when the time is right.
Sending you a huge virtual hug, love and light. Stay strong.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
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