Partner with new stage 4 diagnosis

Hi Cuff,

    So sorry to hear what you are going through but I totally understand at the beginning of this year I was in the same place with my wife. If you click on my profile you can read our story. You hear the words palliative chemo and in your head you think my god they could die any time. My wife is a nurse and when she heard she had bone mets she prepared me for the worst because she understood what it meant. At the minute life is good, we are looking forward to Christmas and she is getting stronger by the day. 

  I know you just think the worst it's human nature, believe me I've been there, I've shed more tears this year than I have in a lifetime. My wife is on the incurables forum on here and there are lots of people on there who have passed there sell by date as they like to put it, you've got to try and have some humour even if it is black.

  Things will probably feel devastating at the minute but you always need to keep hope, sometimes things don't turn out as bad as you think. I don't remember if I put it in the profile but after she finished palliative chemo in September there was no sign of cancer on the scan. She is still stage 4 but on 3 monthly check ups and we were told just because we can't see it it doesn't mean its not there, but at the beginning of the year it is way more than we could have hoped for.

  Keep believing. x

Hi thank you so much for replying and sharing your story. I am so happy for you both that your wife is doing so well what wonderful news and I hope it stays that way. My partner is currently well in himself and apart from some pain in his right hip area where he has a secondary tumour and bone mets, he has no other symptoms at the moment. He is due to start his first cycle of chemotherapy anytime so we are at very early stages. We definitely get by with some dark humour at times, however having the appointment with the oncologist 2 days ago totally freaked us both out. Every appointment the news seems to get worse and worse. We are trying to be positive however it can be hard at times.

We are going to fight it as hard as we can and hope for the best. Stories like yours really do give us some hope so I truly thank you for that. We have also had conflicting advice on whether we should go on holiday at Christmas so we aren’t sure what to do there. One consultant said go, the oncologist said no! So confusing. We would love to go as we feel while he is well making some more memories together is so important. 
I have to think he is here for the long haul as genuinely can’t imagine life without him so will hold on to that and be as positive as we can! Thank you so much again x

Hi Cuff, my hubby was diagnosed in Feb this year, Oesophagus and Metz in the hip and now a rib and tailbone, Hubby had a stent fitted in June as was unable to even swallow water, recently he has been told to treat the stent line a princess!! It helped and he is able to eat but is still very scared it will block, the Metz in the hip causes the most grief as it twinges on the nerves and causes a lot of pain xx Our Palliative doc came out today and said, don’t put any good times off, do everything you want and more and then if there’s time, do it all again!! This Rolller coaster is horrific and it’s one I want to stop spinning or just slow it down xx if you need to know anything or have any questions please ask, we are a year in and I’m an expert now xxx

Hi Manfyh, thank you for your reply and sorry to hear you and your hubby are going through this. I really appreciate your support and what will be future guidance. Luckily my partner doesn’t have any symptoms from his primary tumour though main issues at present are pain in his right hip area from the bone mets sounds similar to your hubby. He is due to start his first chemo session soon so hoping he will tolerate that well and shrink those awful tumours!! Thanks again for your kind message take care and have a lovely Christmas xx

Hi Cuff,

   Just a quick line re holidays. If you are both well enough to do it then do it. I'll not lie watching your loved one go through chemo is not very nice. For all my wife is very well now, she is tired and where as before we used to love city breaks and holidays abroad at the minute that is a no no, she is too tired for the city breaks and has no confidence for going abroad.

  Don't take this the wrong way we are very happy and go for nice walks where we live and the odd pub lunch here and there. but my advice would be go away try and forget about things and enjoy it. x

Hi theotherhalf, thank you again for your message. It is hard as hopefully he is starting chemo this week as luckily (for one) he has private healthcare insurance through his company so we opted for him to have it at home and it may start next week, we don’t know of course until we hear further. He only had blood tests taken today so we will see. The oncologist was concerned that he may start getting swallowing issues whilst we are abroad and if he does start chemo then possible side effects. I feel we need this break as currently he is presenting as well and you really wouldn’t think he has those tumours inside him!! Such a tough call to make x