Anticipatory Grief

Hi, I’m new here and am just looking for some support I guess. I’ve tried to write this several times. It has been suggested to me that I am suffering from anticipatory grief and since having done some research, it seems to be exactly how I’m feeling. 

My Mum has sarcoma cancer. It started in 2020. She had to have a very big operation which came with some big life changes for her. She was doing really well until earlier this year when she had a recurrence, this time much worse and it has spread. We were told it was incurable and she was offered chemo and told it was really about just trying to give her as much time as possible. She has had the strongest chemo and is now on her 6th and final round of it. She has been very unwell, lost her hair and it has really affected all of our family. Her mid way scans showed no change - which apparently is good news. I find this hard to accept but I guess it could be worse. It is just hard to accept that that is our good news.

I have an amazing family and good support system. But I’m just so worried and sad about it all. My Dad is clearly struggling with it. My Mum and Dad have been together since they were teenagers. I’m worried about how he will cope without her and how we all will really. I have a daughter who absolutely adores my Mum too and I just wish she had more time with her. 

I keep waking up in the middle of the night and find it impossible to sleep due to worrying about these things. And thinking about what it will be like and what will happen. I’m worried that I’m not making the most of the time we do have because I’m finding that I am so upset. I see my Mum a few times we week and we speak everyday. She has been incredibly brave and strong but I know she is scared too. 

I don’t know what I’m expecting anyone to say or do. I just wanted to share how I’m feeling and hope that someone can understand or can share any ways of coping in such a difficult time.

Thank you x