My mum is terminally ill and I don’t know how to help

Hello Skemble

Well done for reaching out.  All this is so very scary for you and your mum.  

my best advice is to reach some kind of acceptance of what has happened and that your mum has reached the end of her life.  No point in looking backwards and doing ‘if only’ as what is now is the important thing. Thoughts like ‘if she had had that scan 2 months sooner’ etc are just energy consuming and no help at all.

so, what can you do?

Try to always be smiling - your mums’s greatest achievement in life is probably raising you to be a good person and loving daughter.  She will want to know you are alright and can cope. -  by your positivism and living in the now she will be comforted.

skemble there are lots of places to get help for your own psychological support and your mums but my experience is that it all takes time and that is what you and your mum haven’t got.

after having got the house organised for my late husband - bed downstairs, walking frame etc etc we would just sit and chat about holidays we’d enjoyed or his time as an apprentice.  He had stuff around like a magazine, tv remote, iPad etc etc but as time progressed there was a lot of sleeping involved.

We got the doctor to fill in the form for for Attendance  Allowance and a blue parking badge both of which came within the week so on a good day we went off to spend it on something wild and mad.  We thus made new memories as well as looking back on a life well lived.

There will be an end of life care team working out of the gp practice so make sure you are in contact with them.  At some point raise the issue of where mum wants to go at the very end ie.  Hospice, stay home, or hospital although the end of life care team will do this with your mum or should do.

Hopefully, the system is working and you and your mum have been contacted by some support workers from Macmillan or Maggies who will be helping you both.

this news is so recent you will both be spinning.  Be assured that you and mum will get to a routine which will comfort you both.  You will both feel calmer and a little joy will re-enter your lives.

sending loving thoughts.

JaneyC

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