Don’t feel I can cope

I'm in a similar boat with my mum. She's had lung cancer spread and has been given weeks to live but lives over 200 miles away from me.

It's very difficult. But you are not being selfish. Sometimes it's easier to not think about what breaks your heart... But it doesn't make you selfish. Personally, I've been trying my best not to think about my mum's situation as every time I do, I just burst into tears... And I know she doesn't want that. But it doesn't mean I don't care and I'm not still upset about it when I'm trying to take my mind off of her.

Given the distance between you, can you do videochats with your mum, at all? Or message via an online service? I've found that talking to my mum through videochat really helps despite it still being upsetting to see her. But she's still my mum, you know? She's still the same person with the same sense of humour and loving nature. That's what I try to hold onto.

Have you tried speaking to a doctor about your panic attacks and shakiness, at all? They may be able to suggest something to help you with that. I ended up contacting mine and they were very helpful and understanding with how I feel.

I hope you will be ok... I send my best wishes to you and your mum :)

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m really sorry that you are going through this too. 
I will call my doctors, as I need to be strong for my mum and am not doing a very good job of it. 
I constantly message with her as she is very deaf so phone calls don’t work so well, but she is alone and feel I need to be with her more, and have to take her to appts etc that is the difficult part, trying to keep it together for her. 
I will have to get through this, as does everybody, and will manage one way or another.

thanks again for reading and taking the time to reply 

Tina xx 

Hi Tina, 

You're very welcome :)

I wouldn't mind betting you are actually doing better and being a lot stronger than you realise. I feel very similar about myself and feel like I'm just breaking down, but I've had people telling me I'm dealing really well with things! It really doesn't feel like that at all. But then, that's where the doctors can help :)

I hope your call with the docs goes well. Feel free to post any updates or other thoughts if it's helpful to you

Em XX