Hi all. Don’t really know what to expect from this but I’m struggling. My mum had been receiving treatment for over a year, they did scans which showed that there was residue cancer but they planned to remove it, long story short they f’d up and didn’t refer her to cardiology, left her waiting four months despite me casing them and telling them and they found the day before her surgery she was in heart failure as a result of chemo, and rescheduled the op again a month later whilst starting heart medication, they took her in for the second op and has found it has spread and nothing much more they can do because of her heart condition and the amount it’s spread. This has all happened over roughly 7 weeks. This hasn’t hit her yet but I’m a mess. I literally have hatred for the hospital and doctors. Like they’ve messed up all at my mums expense. They said there will be an investigation but it doesn’t really save my mum does it really.
I’ve got 9 month old twins, I look after my mum and I’m a nurse so I know how cancer goes and how it ends, I knew it was bad news and I saw the deterioration in her and I cased the doctors but I feel as if this is all my fault. Could I have done more? could I have saved my mum from this diagnosis? All I am doing is blaming myself, feeling sorry for myself when I should be focusing on her, I’m trying my best to stay strong for her but my hearts broken. I physically and emotionally don’t know how I could get through life without my mum. How can I bring my twins up without their nan. We do everything together she’s my best friend the person I ring, speak to every minute of the day. I’m with her 24/7. I just don’t know what’s the point of being here when she’s not here. I know what this next few months has to come and I don’t know if I can deal with this pain. The fear in her eyes cripples me and I know how horrific this goes. She’s only 51, she doesn’t deserve this. Not really sure what I’m after from this post, x
