Hi I’m Clare & new to this group
My sister who is 58yrs was diagnosed with breast cancer which had spread into her bones a year past in May. At the time she was very poorly and was given weeks to live. She is now in a care facility and is receiving pallaitive care. She also has mental health issues. I am so grateful to have had her this length of time as we have had the opportunity to speak about most things. She however goes from being happy to very low when she remembers what she’s facing. Due to fractures in her bones she’s in bed and can’t even get into a wheelchair due to the pain albeit this is being managed closely. I have a mum in her late 80s who refuses to believe she’s terminal and a brother who is an alcoholic and can’t face visiting her often. I am her next of kin and have a great supportive husband and kids but it can at times all get so difficult. I also have great friends but I don’t want to burden people and whilst I love them for being there I just feel at times people don’t get it which sounds awful. I don’t know what I’m facing every visit and the doctor just says if she changes every month then she may have months. So I really don’t know whether she has weeks, months or years left. I am such a balanced person and a lot if people depend on me but this has been the most difficult year of my life and it would be good to know how others have coped in a similar situation. Sorry for such a long download!
Hi Clare
a warm welcome to the croup. Apologies that no one has replied to you sooner. So sorry to hear about all that's going on. No wonder you are struggling with how to feel.
My situation is different but I can relate to the struggling how to feel. My husband was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour in Sept 2020. It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride ever since. He has exceeded expectations which is great but we have no timeline anymore and life for myself and our adult kids is in limbo.
Something I have come to understand is that there is no right way to feel or to cope. People are unique. Our relationships with our loved ones are unique. Watching them suffer is beyond hard - I get it. Friends and family are great as you say but they don't always get it as they haven't travelled this path. It's the strongest among us who let those emotions flow so don't beat yourself up for them. By showing emotion, you're in effect dealing with the emotion and not bottling it all up. I've cried oceans of tears in the last two years.
Hard as it is, take each day as it comes. Like you we don't know if we have days, weeks or months and not knowing is so much harder than knowing. I feel doctors are increasingly unwilling to give timescales but those timescales are really just "guesstimates" based on averages.
This group and Carers only forum - Macmillan Online Community have been a great source of support to me personally. There's always someone around who gets it, someone to listen and someone to hold your hand or offer that virtual hug when its needed. Please reach out anytime. You're not alone here.
It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Please also take time to take care of yourself too. Take that "me time" as its not being selfish. It's essential to help you keep your wee batteries charged - trust me!
Sending you love and light and hugs. Stay strong and remember to breathe.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
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