My dad has been poorly for about 2 months. He had an operation 4 weeks ago that we thought would be the start of his recovery but this has not been the case. On Thursday wee were told that unfortunately biopsies showed that he had cancer in the bowel and that it was secondary to a cancer in the urinary system.
Yesterday we were given the devastating news that it is an aggressive rare cancer and there is nothing they can do. Chemo or radiotherapy will only make him ill and the outcome will be the same. So the only option now is palliative care to keep him comfortable.
Unfortunately, he is in hospital and not comfortable. His digestive system is not working so he is being fed by a picc line. He is constantly sick so he has an ng tube in draining the stomach secretions from his stomach. The ng tube has been in for 4 weeks so it's very uncomfortable now and despite having it he constantly feels nauseous.
Everything i have read suggests that we just spend time with him, play a game, watch a film etc but my dad just can't do this. He can't concentrate on anything because of how uncomfortable he feels. So it's just sitting by his bed on a hipsital ward trying to talk about random things as and when he wants to. When we thought he just had a stomach disorder this was easy as we talked about plans for when he came home but now we can't do that and I just don't know what to say. Yesterday I sat with him and just cried after the drs had been round but I don't want to do this on every visit. I don't want him to feel worse seeing me so upset everytime.
The palliative care team are coming on Monday and the drs are looking at ways to make him more comfortable, but their options are so limited because of his symptoms. It is all he is asking for - to be comfortable and I'm not sure we can even give him that.
My heart is broken and as soon as my eyes open the pain hits me like a train and I start to cry. How am I supposed to stay strong for him....
Please can someone give me some advice on what to do...
Hi Sheepy697. I just dropped by and was so sorry to see you'd not had a reply. I'm not a member of this group but I do have incurable cancer so I can bounce questions off others in the same predicament in my group Incurable cancer - patients only.
I myself had womb cancer which metastasized all over, peritoneum, omentum, pelvis and vaginal cuff. Thought chemo had held it at bay, sadly only for 4 months, new mets in liver and lungs but the lung mets are causing more problems nausea, pain etc. My last chance saloon is just about to start, a relatively new immunotherapy treatment. I'm due to start this week and I pray it works.
It must be so very hard for you to helplessly stand by and feel powerless to do anything. Hopefully the palliative care team will be able to do more to ease his discomfort.
To enable you to get a little off your chest I'd suggest you call our Macmillan Support helpline, freephone 0808 808 0000 and have a chat with the nurses there. They may be able to advise what help would be available.
Sending you hugs, B xx
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