My hubby was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer seven months ago. At first he coped really well and he had one course of chemo, immunotherapy which stopped the growth but he got sepsis and was hospitalised.This resulted in him missing essential chemo and immunotherapy. He got weaker and since following a scan it had spread to spine and neck. Luckily this was treated and cured with radiotherapy. Then the news that the cancer in his chest has progressed and they weren’t going to try any further treatment but we insisted and he was due to start a new tier of chemo last week but they found fluid on his lungs so it has been delayed. Now after five lung drains he is very weak, no appetite and no sleep. Throughout all of this his mental health has hit rock bottom threatening suicide and allsorts. We applied for therapy but are still waiting. He really wants to try this treatment as it will give him more time with us but it’s getting him strong enough to deal with it. If he doesn’t get stronger and can’t have the treatment that will be it. Our two young adult children know it is incurable but not to this extent. It has broken their hearts watching their Dad deteriorate but they have often said that he has never ever said he will fight this with everything he can. He is a glass half empty and has trouble coping with all of this. He was a very hard manual worker and so funny and caring. He has become frustrated, angry and isn’t interested in anything at all. I feel I have now become his carer and that’s how he sees me. I am so tired, I am on call 24/7 I hardly every have more than ten minutes to myself, I don’t sleep as most of the time I am watching Andy. One of my adult children has learning difficulties and I am still driving him everywhere I just can’t seem to find a a balance with all of this, hospital, doctors, nurses, work, mum taxi, making sure his meds are correct and administered etc etc. It scares me to think of him not being here. We moved into this house 18 months ago our final home together and it’s scary to think of him not here, not seeing our daughter achieve her dream of performing not seeing our son achieve his goals and not being here for Christmas and new year. It’s so scary. I don’t want to ever be told that this is it now it is only time. How do I accept it?
Hi Jen
so sorry to hear about all you and your family are going through, Life is too cruel.
My husband was given a terminal diagnosis (stage 4 brain tumour) in Sept 2020 so I can empathise with the journey you are on to an extent. He's so far exceeded medical expectations but we're now in limbo as we don't know how much time we have. Physically he's in incredible shape and in many ways that makes it a thousand times harder. How can someone who is dying run a marathon? His symptoms are more or less all cognitive- he's a bit like someone with early -stage dementia.
Our kids are 22 and 24 now but it's still so hard for them to see their dad slowly decline. They've no experience of losing someone, they've never been to a funeral so when the time comes this is going to hit and hit hard.
As for how you accept it- I wish I knew. I think over the past two years I've become resigned to the inevitable rather than accepting of it. I try to take each day as it comes and not plan too far ahead. It's not easy.
I've found this online community to be a great source of support. You might want to take a look at one of the other groups Carers only forum - Macmillan Online Community. There's always someone about to listen who gets it. Someone to offer that virtual hug on the rougher days. Sometimes it's just reassuring to know you're not the only one in this horrible situation.
It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
For now, I'm sending you a huge virtual hug. Stay strong. Take each step as it comes and remember to breathe,
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Hello Jen
Ive just come across your message and so much made me think of my husband and myself! He was 1st diagnosed in May and only just now after CT MRI, Ct Biopsies we now know he has cancer in both lungs,kidney and right hip! At this stage we are blessed that he has no symtoms as yet ! He starts Chemo tablet form and immunotheropy on Tue and i know our battle is about too begin which is scary.. We have 3 adult children between us and 3 grandchildren and live in fear of him not seeing them thrive and grow.! I send you prayers and strength to you all as to see the soulmate in your life suffer is just so difcult. We also moved into our forever Bungalow only 15mths ago 
