34 yr old husband w terminal cancer

Dear Jobeha

i wanted to respond to your thread and say I am so sorry that you have had such a very difficult beginning to the journey of parenthood. 
Ask for help from everyone and I mean everyone. 
your parents, his family, friends and professionals. You will need time alone to feel your feelings. 

don’t try to hide that you need help. Demand help 

 I’m sorry I can’t say much that means anything. 
someone else may come along who can offer something more practical. 
my sincere best Wishes to you. 

M 

Hi Jobeha, I am so very sorry for the cards that you have been dealt as a family. To have to cope with that at the same time as becoming a mother and caring for a baby must be unbearable. My husband is also terminal - bowel cancer. 

I have to admit that I did exactly the same thing - pulled away from everyone and felt so utterly and completely alone. That’s normal and it’s your way of coping with life right now. Let the feelings come. It may sound weird, but I found that it just took time to ‘get my head in the right place’. It doesn’t make things better, but almost gives you a little more room inside your head and heart to cope. 

you can’t possibly begin to imagine what life will be like on your own - neither can I. We have to do our very best to think about the now and focus on today and getting through the moment and hour and day that we are in. 

You will find this a safe and understanding place. It has certainly helped me to feel so much less alone, which is strange as we don’t know each other. What we do have in common is this terrible disease and the heartache and pain that it brings. 

you will get through this. So will I. We just can’t possibly imagine how, but that’s ok. 

Take care and be kind to yourself always. Sending a hug 

Hi Bim07, I'm so sorry to read that you are going through this too. You can probably see from my response to jobeha that my husband has incurable bowel cancer too - diagnosed a month ago. On palliative chemo, no idea what will happen yet or how long he has. I'm here if you want to chat. I found your words about getting through this helpful. I have no idea how either but I know we must and we will. It feels impossible right now though doesn't it. Sending love to you xxx

Hi jobeha, I'm so sorry to read this. I am not sure I am going to be much help as I have no practical advice but I just wanted to let you know that I am in the same situation and you are not alone. I obviously wouldn't wish this on anyone but I am personally comforted by knowing that there are others in my position, as everyone I know in real life seems to be continuing with their charmed lives, whilst our family's has been changed forever. My 38 year old husband was diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer a month ago. We have a nearly 5 year old, 3 year old and 8 month old. I am stronger now than I was in the first two weeks (which were nothing other than hell on earth) but I am still in bits a lot of the time. The only way I am finding to cope is to focus on the kids and try and get through one day at a time. I do not always manage to focus on the present like that by any means (today is a bad day and all I can think about is the future and how I now feel like I don't actually have one) but I do think it's the only way to deal with something like this so I am trying my best. I am here if you want to chat. It would help me too. Sending love. Also, I have no idea how at present but I know that we WILL get through this as we have to, for our children. Sending love xxx

Thank you for your kind words. Asking for help is something I’m not too familiar with but I am working on. I needed a reminder today. Thank you for reaching out. Big love.

Hello Bim07. Thank you for extending a hand through the darkness and connecting with me. I’m so sorry you too are going through this most horrible time. You are not alone in this, no matter how isolating it feels, it is comforting to know there are others out there going through similar, or have done. We WILL be ok, somehow, some way. 

I’m not sure which stage of the grieving process I am in now but it’s better than where I was in the beginning. The pieces of earth beneath me have been sloppily taped back together, just enough for me to get my feet back under me and to try and press forward. I think the shock has subsided and I can breathe a bit easier.

Sending you a gentle hug. Take care x

Good morning, SmellTheRoses. Thank you for reaching out. Cancer is so isolating already and I struggle to connect with many people in a similar situation to me. I am so sorry to hear this is happening to your young family. Find comfort in knowing there are others out there going through this hell too and there have been families before us. We WILL be ok, one day. But for now, it’s ok to not be. To be angry, to beg, to scream, to cry oceans. It doesn’t get any harder than this but we are getting through and will get through.

Our children are our light and we cope for them because we have to. Then we know we can cope with anything because we’ve been through the darkest days and made it out the other side.

For now, let’s try to stay in the present, recognise the joyful moments and absorb them. There will be awful moments too, which will pass. We must be kind to ourselves and let the emotions out. I hope you are better at asking for help than I am.  

Sending you lots of love, gentle hugs and a hand to hold. Not sure how to exchange details privately but I am happy to text or email. We can help keep each other strong. 

xx

Im so sorry to read you are going through this. 

We were told.my.husband has maybe 12 months 2 weeks ago. He's 39. I go from sad to angry to no emotion at all. 

So much love to you all x