My dad is dying

Hi Springgirl I am so sorry about your dad.  I'm not sure there is much I can say that will help.  The best you can do is let yourself cry as much as you need to as often as you need to and I find that eventually the tears stop and you shift into a different mode where the shock of what is happening wears off.  The pain is still there but somehow a bit less.

Talk to friends about how you are feeling or call MacMillan and speak to someone there.  Try and keep busy and try and get out for some fresh air and exercise.  Try and make the most of the days your father has left.  I usually find helping others really rewarding and a good way to take my mind off my own problems.

In the end only time can help. 

Remember you are not alone and hopefully someone else going through simillar at the moment will see this message and connect with you.

Sending a big virtual hug.

Hi Godwilling. Thank you for your reply. It means alot. I have cried more then I think I have cried in my whole life, and strangely today is the first morning I have not cried at all. Maybe I will later, but I think the exhaustion of it all gas finally caught up with me, and I do not have the energy even to cry.

I have been talking to friends and family but not too much as I don't want to burden them with it all. They all care deeply but have their own lives, jobs and families so I keep it to a minimal. They do keep in touch and ask how we all are, and I am honest. Even just saying not too good to somebody does help.

I'm finding it hard to do anything and just don't feel like doing anything other than things I need to do, washing etc. I find keeping busy doesn't help and the only time I switch off is when I am asleep.

I just hope he will be home soon and with the help of the nurses we can help as much as possible and make his time here as happy as possible. The unknowns is the scary thing aswell as knowing he won't be here soon.

Thanks again.x.

Hey,

im in a similar situation, with my mum. I too can’t stop spontaneously crying and feeling overwhelmed trying to keep it together for my family. I don’t know if I’m the best person for advice, but I’ve had to give myself regular breaks from it all in order to keep the strength to be supportive when I am there. I’ve been getting outside a lot because the great thing is, if you do cry, there’s not many people to see it and they probably won’t notice! Walks and spending time in nature wherever possible to connect to something bigger than me. 
I’ve also been trying floatation therapy - self guided therapy in a float tank. This again has helped me feel there are things bigger than me and that their consciousness cannot possibly cease when they’re gone. 

it may or may not be helpful, but maybe I hope I can give some inspiration in to ways to give yourself the time you need to grieve without the pressure of keeping it together in front of family who need you xxx all the love in the world 

Hi 

Thanks for your reply. It sounds like you are doing really well considering, getting out and about etc and I think if you are going through something similar then you know exactly what it is like for others, so can give advice.

Like you, I like to think that we don't disappear completely after we die and hope that my dad will still be around but in another form. I'm not religious at all but like to think that there is something more.

Thank you for the advice. I hope you stay well and I'm sure we will all get through these difficult times and be there for our families, and them for us. My mum says just being there helps even if I am crying, but I wish I could be stronger.

I hope yourself and your family stay well.

Take care xx.

Just to let you know my dad passed away the early hours of this morning. Although he was terminal it wasn't expected to happen quite so soon. We didn't get to say goodbye but the nurse said it was quick and he wasn't in pain. Thank you for all your support and advice. I hope you all get the support you need for yourself and your loved ones. 

Dear Springgirl

i send you all my sympathies and what a comfort to know that he wasn’t in pain. I do hope you have lots of love around you. Nothing makes this grief any easier, but let others look after you. 

M 

Thinking of you Springirl. I'm pleased he wasn't in pain. xx

Hi Whatever next. Thank you. Yes I do. We are all there for each other, and friends, family and neighbours have been so supportive and lovely.

Me and my brother went to see him a few hours afterwards and although it was hard, strange and upsetting to see him like that I'm glad I went to see him. To see he wasn't in any pain was a relief and he looked like he was sleeping. That was one of my fears that he was or would be in any pain. 

It will be hard on father's day, but I have put his father's day card out already and the gifts I had bought him.

I hope you have the support you need with whatever you are going through at the moment. Xx.

Thank you Kezzie100,

Me to. He had a scene of humour right up to the end which was good, as I was worried he would have been scared of what was going to happen to him. Although he probably was, he always seemed more worried about us, and would ask after the dogs and even the rabbits. It's sad he never got to see them again, one of our dogs in particular seemed to be looking for him yesterday. She went up to his/mum's room several times which she never does. So it made me wonder if she sensed/knew something. 

I hope you have the support you need as well in whatever you are going through at the moment. Xx.

How are you doing?.