This is for anyone else going through the cruelty of watching a loved one die of cancer before their very eyes. I wanted to share my brothers passing, in the hopes that it may bring some comfort when you dont know what to do for the best and feel inadaquate.
My brother Richie had been sadly struggling with terminal lung cancer for 8 months and had declined rapidly in the last 10 days,he was bed bound and on a syringe drive with morphine, anti emetic and anti anxiety and couldn't even speak in the last few days of seeing him.
I managed to rush to be by his bedisde last night, after having just seen him on Saturday. I was able to walk into his room , hold his hand and tell him how much I and his family loved him and that everyone in his care home loved him too. That was so evident in how they went out of their way to care for him and keep him there, despite it only being a home for people with Severe Mental Illness.
I reassured him not to be frightened of dying as he had always been so kind and caring to everyone who had the privilege of knowing him and that wherever he would go to now he would be loved and cared for still.
He then let go of his struggle to not close his eyes and his whole body and face relaxed. I feel so privileged to have been there with him to try and comfort him. It was my biggest wish that I could do that for him, it was like he had been holding on to see me and hear my voice. I am so relieved he is no longer suffering and is at peace, however I am heartbroken and will miss him dearly.
I have learnt so much from him about how to be kind, gracious and forgive. He instantly forgave me for not being there for him over the years, due to my mental heath having been affcted by tragic life events.
We understood each other, as he had schizophrenia ( he was sectioned when I was 11) he suffered with terribly with anxiety,as I have done over the years. He said I destreesed him and reassured him when he was anxious.
To anyone else who is reading this, please take heart from knowing that your presence when your loved one dies is very much appreciated, even if they cant talk to tell you that. Just tell them everything you and others love about them and send them with as much love as you can to the other side, wherever that might mean for you.
Lots of love XXX
