Partner incurable cancer

Hi my partner of 13 years got diagnosed with incurable cancer 6 weeks ago. He has deteriated very quickly  within a few weeks.  He has got depressed this week so been hard I also suffer from depression badly. I am struggling to be positive. The thought of dealing with this for god knows how long is worrying me.  Mentally I don’t think I can do it 

  • Hello Toni71. Just thought I’d say hi and I understand exactly how you are feeling. My husband (we’ve been together 18 years) was also diagnosed around the same time as your partner and he too has incurable cancer. 
    it’s really hard mentally isn’t it to take it all in? You try to support them, you have no idea what the current future is (and everything you thought you knew has changed) the longer term future is a mystery of questions and if you are like me the prospect that you are going to be ‘on your own’ at some point is a total mine field too. 
    Please do share any thoughts or questions you are thinking. If you don’t mind saying how old are you? I wondered from your name if you were born in 1971? I am 53 and my husband is 57. Hope to hear from you soon 

  • That is so hard. Is your partner having treatment at the moment? It is impossible to be positive all the time and it is a big expectation to have of yourself. You probably want to be positive for your partners sake but maybe sometimes the only thing you can do is be sad together.

  • Hi yes I was born 71 so gonna be 51 this year my partner is going to be 55. It is tough. I wish I knew how long he had left. He can’t go out or do much at all already which is hard   I can’t even give him a hug or anything as in pain. He has lost a stone and a half in 6 weeks.  He was skinny to start with so he looks like a skeleton.  Hope I doing ok 

  • Hi he on lots of morphine and chemo tablets as he couldn’t have chemo drip as body and mind too weak.  He has just gone down hill so quickly x

  • It’s really hard isn’t it not being able to hug someone you want to comfort (plus I miss the comfort I would have got too before this)

    I feel exactly the same, the rapid weight loss is a stark truth of it all isn’t it. My husband lost 3 stone from December to February and even before we got the diagnosis it was a real possibility to me that it was cancer because of the weight loss. 

    We are like you in that we can’t really go anywhere or do much as Mike is so very tired and weak. Hospital appointments are the most we really do now.

    What type of cancer does your partner have? X

  • Renal. Spread to lythm nodes lungs and back bone.  It so hard as one day he seems ok next down. Hardly eats   I am the sort of person who likes to know what happening so not knowing how long is not doing me any good 

  • Hi Tonie71 , my hubby was originally diagnosed with Renal cancer 11 years ago , had a kidney removed 3 years later it came back had another op , we thought we had beaten it then 2 years ago it came back with a vengeance,  in the lungs  spine and the chest wall ,we were told it was incurable but treatable ,he tried a few treatments which made him really poorly so they were stopped, he is now on pazopanib it kept the tumours stable until 3 months ago  he has just had some palliative Radiotherapy for the 2nd time for the rib tumour,  in all of this he has never wanted to know how long he has in fact it seemed he was in denial, although he got really down and angry he wouldn't speak to me about it  for some it was like living with a time bomb , we have been together 47 years and always discussed everything, he is under the care of our local hospice and Macmillan who have been absolutely amazing support,  they convinced him to have counselling which he reluctantly agreed to , and what a difference it has made,  although he hasn't asked for a time scale he is aware his time is limited and he wants to get his affairs in order, I felt I needed to know how long he has left but since he has started talking and accepting the situation I don't feel that how long he has left is that important to me , I will take each day as it comes , its such a difficult situation not just for them but for their partner / carer I wish you well and send you a massive hug x x

  • Hi. Big hugs. Feeling the same, so glad already of this group to get and be able to give support. I just found out yesterday my partner is terminal. I also feel like I'm not going to be able to deal with this x