I don't know how to help my wife

I am so sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis.  Have you tried speaking with a MacMillan nurse on the support line?  They are the most wonderful people who will be able to help you through this and answer your questions.  Sending you both a big hug x

Hi Nessa I am in much the same boat as you, my husband is 67 yrs and was diagnosed with liver cancer 2021, they hoped he could have a transplant but the last 2 yrs has been dashed hopes after dashed hopes. The cancer grew too big even after specialist chemo into the tumour, then his platelets were too low for immunotherapy, there were no clinical trials he could join. He’s palliative care now and in a lot of pain. The palliative care nurse is lovely but we are reliant on gps to prescribe and sort out his care and this is not always done in a timely fashion , sad sad days. Like your wife he sleeps a lot, but we are still able to get out and about to see friends and family, because my husband is very strong, he still eats well, which I think helps him.

have you got a palliative care nurse?

we are having free relaxation therapies at our local Macmillan centre, they are a godsend. Do you have one nearby?

I am a retired nurse and I have lost both my parents but this is a whole nother ball game, I feel ok one day and say I must be strong, then one small thing will make me a blubbering heap. Everything annoys me at the minute too.

not sure this will help 

Thank you for your reply.  Julia has bowel cancer,  secondary liver and colon cancer.  The consultant has told us that there is no surgery options.  

She has little appetite,  yesterday,  a yogurt for breakfast,  tin of soup for lunch,  half a salmon fillet and 4 strawberries for dinner.  She is not enjoying food. 

I spoke to the doctor yesterday who has made a mcmillan referral for us,  so I hope we get some professional help soon.  I don't want Julia to suffer. 

I have lost both my parents too, dad 5 year ago and mum two years. It's one blue after another,  but like you rightly say losing a partner is a different ball game,  I can't see a life without Julia,  she is my entire world.  We have been together 12years, married 6 years,  happiest years of my life.  

Hi

I did ring mcmillan support yesterday and they advised me how to get a referral from my doctor which I did yesterday.  I hope I am contacted soon by local mcmillan.  I can't stop nursing into tears which is not helpful for Julia.  Both just so scarred. 

Well done on taking the step of getting a referral.  I cared for my mum whilst she had cancer and know how hard eating can be

That’s good that you have a referral now, you should be seen soon and get the hep you need. My fear is about the pain too, I think it’s normall, they are trying to sort my husbands painkillers out as he’s not getting on with the morphine. The palliative care will do this.they will also offer advice about her diet. Until then I think it’s a matter of little and often and whatever she fancies. My husband and I have been married for 47 yrs , we have two lovely children 40 and 42, but they live up country and not close by. Do you have family and friends who can help and support you?our local hospice has set up “compassionate cafes” in our area run by volunteers to support people who have end of life conditions, recently bereaved, etc and they are a great support for me. It might be worth asking nurse what is in your area. I have the support of very good kind friends, who take me out for coffee, you need to reach out now. You will find out who your real friends are now. Take one day at a time now, it’s important to enjoy your time together and talk about the important things. 

Sorry I pressed something by mistake and it sent my message when I wasn’t finished!

Mum would get frustrated with me trying to get her to eat.  I bought in lamb chops, spring greens and new potatoes and fresh raspberries with meringues and fresh cream.  She tutted when she saw the bulging shopping bag and said “What part of it don’t you understand?”  I said “well I’m having it and the dog will always eat yours”.  Well she cleared her plate and had dessert!!  We ate that every day for weeks!!!!

All your feelings are normal, it tore me apart.  Its now 6 years since mum passed and there is a massive hole in my life but I do now think of the good times instead of the cancer.

Take care x