My husband is in our local hospice,he was admitted last week.We know he is very ill,but we do not have any timescale.He can’t now do anything for himself,he’s very weak,not strong enough to stand,can’t feed himself and can only swallow very soft food without choking.He is very confused and has regular panic attacks,particularly when he’s just woken up.All these symptoms have come in just over a week,he is also catheterised .I tried so hard to look after him myself at home which he wanted.Our lovely district nurse put a care package in place for us,but my husband didn’t like it.I am now visiting him daily in the hospice,he has had a terrible weekend because they are trying to sort medication for his anxiety and panic,but he thinks they are trying to poison him.The hospice is fantastic and the staff wonderful,they are only trying to keep him safe and comfortable.He is so difficult and out of character, I really can’t take much more.I have a wonderful son who helps but no one else. I am waiting to speak with his doctor and really need some sort of idea how much longer he has got. I am frightened that they will stabilise him and send him home.I am completely confused in my emotions,realistically I just want it all over,but then feel awful for thinking that.He has no quality of life and hates being so dependent on others for all he care.
