My Husband's rapid decline

Tiseye, 

Welcome to the forum, apologies that your post has gone unanswered so long, sometimes words are not enough!

You have been so brave, so strong, for such a long time, it is hardly surprising that you have a day which tips you over and you deserve that.. you deserve the release, you have been holding on to all that emotion for so long, you needed to empty some of it out to allow space for the coming months. 

I imagine a a very tall jug, one which has been catching feelings, emotions, sadness, despair over the years, and in the past 6 months it has become fuller and fuller to the point where, the other day, it started to overflow, and once it started, it just flowed. You now have a half empty jug, ready to catch more of you, whilst you continue being strong. somehow!

As for friends and family, just pick up the phone if you can, the words will come. 

Thinking of you both at this difficult time.

Lowe'

Dear Tiseye, you have been so strong and what you are experiencing is so frightening. I don't have any words. I am also watching my husband decline. It sounds as if your husband is further along the journey than mine, but I can't even begin to think about how I prepare for what is ahead. You are doing so well. I know what you mean about finding it hard to phone people. They can't begin to understand, and sometimes it feels like you end up comforting them because they can get overwhelmed when you try to explain to them what you are seeing and experiencing. Have you thought about phoning the Macmillan or Marie Curie helpline. I've only rung once, but found them very helpful. Take care. Creina x

Hi Creina, thankyou for speaking to me. I can't telephone Macmillan or tell my family how I feel. I just get too overwhelmed. So bad I can't talk cos I'm crying and sobbing so much. I feel like I am going through this on my own. I do absolutely everything for my husband. From helping him get washed and dressed in a morning to putting him to bed at night. I feel exhausted but then go to bed and can't sleep. It's the worst thing I have ever been through in my whole life. You Take Care too. Hope you cope better than me xxxx

My husband has just been diagnosed 3 weeks ago with stage 4 prostate cancer with bone and lung mets… to say I’m devastated is an understatement… sometimes I go out for a drive and pull over at the side of the road and just cry. I always feel better afterwards so it’s a pattern now so have good days and overwhelmed days.  
I cared for my dad for 3 months last year during the second lockdown on my own with my brother helping out. It was hard all that isolation. Dad passed in January this year with my brother and I and my best friend Anne by his side. We both needed her very much.. she made tea and sandwiches, soup and she watched dad to give me a sleep. It was a relief to me when dad died because I was exhausted. We were very very close and the mix of sadness and exhaustion was too much for me. The day he died he finally allowed me to have the hospice carers in. I wish I had overruled him earlier because you just can’t do it all yourself.
You are a wife and need time just to be that together with your husband and not to be a carer 24/7 with that level of responsibility. I would get in touch with your gp and set palliative care support in motion for both your sakes. Your local hospice will help you too. You need support.

sadly I lost my dear friend Anne suddenly with cancer in August. I can’t believe she is gone. She was 59. She showed me how to do it and she is with me on this journey too.  My advice Tiseye… is to look after yourself too and get the specialist help you both deserve. Much love to you xx