Finding that inner strength

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Hi,

I'm new to this group and the forum. My wife (55) was recently given a bad prognosis with her endometrial cancer that she has been battling against for the last 6 months. The oncologist told us just over 4 weeks ago that their gold standard chemo was not working and the cancer had continued to grow. The chemo followed major surgery for it in April.

I honestly didn't think we would get to this point. Mainly because the medical team had not really said that it could and also because my wife had beaten Breast cancer 11 years ago after a combination of surgery, chemo and radiotherapy so I/we I guess assumed that she would again.

We were told about the change in prognosis on the phone. It was supposed to be face to face but mistakenly a hospital admin told us the appointment was on the phone. The next 24 hours were horrid but a friend there next day said that she knew someone that had had a remission from advanced cancer so I immediately started researching in depth and together we changed her diet (to include cancer fighting foods), added exercise she could manage (gentle walks and QiGong), tried to have more fun and other things. It seemed to be helping. But then more recently she has been been quite laid up with pain that according to our GP is a backlog of poo (sorry for TMO) due to the medication she is taking. Her oncologist also things there may be fluid that has built up but not entirely sure. She booked an ultrasound for Tuesday where the fluid will also be removed if there is any. This could have been earlier that is not been for the pre-procedure covid test and the necessary wait for results. Meanwhile, my wife is mostly in bed, really tired and in some pain still. Really hard for her and to see.

The reason I am posting is I suppose to articulate how I'm feeling and to seek any advice that you can give on coping. I have largely been able to cope over the last few weeks and indeed whilst my wife was recovering from surgery and during chemo. However, it became harder this week when I had to explain more to our 11 year old daughter as she had noticed that my wife's condition had worsened and she kept asking "is mummy going to get better?". I/we do have a small network of friends that have given some support especially as family are very avoidant.

Thanks for reading.

Edinmum over 3 years ago

People keep saying to me that I am so strong & they don’t think they’d be able to cope if they were going through what I am. However I don’t always feel that strong.

my husband was diagnosed with a rare incurable cancer in Feb 2021 after not feeling himself or being able to eat properly for about 10 months.

At the time the kids were 6&9 yrs old. We told them that daddy had bad bugs & it needed some horrible medicine to try to help him feel better. As time went on we told them the bad bugs were called cancer & they had caused tumors. We also told them the treatment was called Chemotherapy. We never told them that daddy would get better but we also didn’t tell them that we knew the cancer would never disappear. My aunt had an incurable cancer & she lived for 9yrs after her diagnosis.

After his chemo my husband got a blockage in his intestine & required surgery. The surgeon was able to give the oncologist a clear picture of what she found as up until then no scans had ever shown his tumors. Unfortunately this picture was not good & nearly 2 weeks ago we had to sit our children down (now 7 & 10) & tell them that daddy was going to die & that he probably won’t be with us this time next year. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life but knowing that harder times are still to come made it feel worse.

last week we also attended my mother in laws funeral. The children chose to attend & it was very tough. I tried not to think of what is to come for us but my husband was very upset & the children also cried & just wanted to be with their daddy.

I feel that now the children know everything we don’t need to hide our feelings. We sometimes feel sad but the children don’t which is ok. Sometimes they ask practical questions & sometimes they ask questions which makes them upset. It’s all part of the process & we as a family feel the more open we are about it the more helpful it is for the children.

we are lucky to have supportive family on both sides even though my family are a bit further away. The children also have fantastic friends with fantastic parents who are all there to help when the time comes.

sorry to hear your with is in bed all the time. We are lucky at the moment that my husband still feels able to do some things. He was washing the car with the children yesterday & we had a movie night too. It’s just the little things that means so much at the moment.

thinking of you & your daughter

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