No more treatment

Hi,

im sorry to read your story. We have known since February that my husband has incurable cancer in his peritoneum. In June we were optimistic as after the scan the dr said all visible signs of the cancer had reduced. However we also know that with his type of cancer there were more tumors that weren’t visible. He seemed to be going well after treatment finished & he was having a 6 week break however in august he started getting excruciating pain, wasn’t able to eat & was being sick. Turned out he had a blockage which was operated on but the surgeon was able to give the dr a clear picture of what they found. On Wednesday they told us he is likely to have months left & we should get all our affairs in order. 

On Wednesday evening we did the hardest & worst things we’ve ever had to do & tell out 7 & 10yr old that daddy was going to die. It was heartbreaking. My 7yr old son was so angry & was crying & shouting whereas my daughter just cried & cried. 

The worst thing is that I know things are going to get harder  & I can’t protect them I can only support them. 

terminal diagnosis is hard for everyone but when kids are involved it just seems so much more unfair. 

stay strong there are people there for you. 

So sad to read your story too. 

You are right about harder times to come. Im trying to stay super strong as i know i cant fall apart.

My hubby has also had massive bouts of being violently sick, the bile is not getting through to digest his food........ its unbearable to watch him be so ill and still try to keep smiling.

Sending love to you all, give those kiddies an extra hug from me, its hard watching them process everything and yours are younger bless them.

Take care xx

How are you doing? 

we had a really tough week last week. We had to organise & attend my mother in laws funeral. The kids had wanted to attend before we had the news about my husband & they still wanted to attend the funeral. 

everyone at the funeral was family or close friends so knew the situation with my husband. He got really upset. The kids both got upset too & just wanted to be beside their daddy. I really tried to stay in the moment & for the day to be about my mother in law but it was so hard. 

sometimes the kids say things so matter of factly like ‘what will happen to daddy’s office when he dies’ and ‘do you have a will’. Another time my daughter asked if daddy would be here for Christmas & I had to tell her we just don’t know. She got upset at that. 

at the moment my husband is on a slow release pain relief with extra top up if he needs it as well as a steroid to increase his energy levels. His pain is manageable & he has been able to do things like cut the grass, cook dinner, read the kids their books at bedtime & take them to some of their activities like he used to. He has also managed to put on quite a bit of weight. He is heavier than he has been 

When he is like this I get sucked into a feeling that maybe the doctors got it wrong. 

He has a phone call with the oncologist on Wednesday to discuss how things have been for the last couple of weeks. 

Its so hard isnt it.

We had a lovely day out yesterday, it was 'normal' thats when i allow myself to think its not really happening. Then i have a complete meltdown and feel lifes not fair. Which, its not.

I dont want him to see how sad i am as he keeps saying sorry for being ill. Its just a rubbish situation and my heart breaks.

Children are so open and honest arent they, often saying what we are thinking. We dont know about christmas either. 

Sending hugs to you all. 

X