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Hi Radiant

 I dont know if I am first to respond as I too am new to this forum.

I hear you and I just beared my soul also. It is hard being the partner of someone dying.

I am no therapist but I guess you have to ask is it realistic to be upbeat  all the time, especially given the situation?

Dont be hard on yourself. Maybe take a risk and talk to your partner about your feelings, after all you have shared everything else in lifes journey?

I have felt so alone recently and detatched from my partner, it feels like cancer had taken away our intimate bond. I got to a point of feeling so low that I took the risk and shared my feelings. It felt like I had nothing to loose as I had already lost her. I was suprised how calm and understanding she was in her response and worried for me, of course We cried and I held her but it brought back some closeness.

I think we feel we have to be strong all the time for the sake of our loved ones.

 I dont know if that helps you in any way but your feelings are not unique, it’s wearing being a full time supporter so its ok not to be upbeat 24/7.

Best wishes

Thank you for your response; there is definitely no manual to help you cope in these situations! 

My husband and I vowed from the start to be open and honest with our feelings, and cry and laugh together but sometimes that overwhelming feeling  of grief takes over and that is hard to share as I know how much it upsets him (to be truthful though he knows me inside out and I know he knows when this happens) and my family so having this site as a release in order to express my feelings with people in similar situations has helped. 

I’m glad sharing your feelings has helped and hope it continues to do so. 

Best wishes to you both