Hello everyone, I'm new here.
I would appreciate any advice for my Dad, who had bowel cancer a few years ago (operated on with surgery and chemo), but then it spread to his lungs (he had surgery for that) and now it is in his liver and so far advanced that they won't attempt chemo. He has 3-6 months to live. He has lost a lot of weight recently because he is barely eating and refuses most of the food my brother and I prepare for him. He has severe constipation and bloating, which means he doesn't want to eat because he feels so blocked up. The laxatives the doctors prescribed don't seem to help. He has to wear incontinence pads all the time because he 'oozes' constantly but never has a proper bowel movement. He is in a lot of discomfort and says nothing tastes or smells appetising any more. He hates fortijuices and ensures and will barely touch them. We are at our wits end, trying to encourage him to eat. I hate the fact that most of my precious moments with him are taken up with 'nagging' him to try and eat. Since he never goes out now, I realise he doesn't need so many calories but he is not eating enough even to maintain his weight.
I'm utterly terrified of what the next few months will bring. My brother and I went through it before with my Mum who died of cancer (breast cancer that spread to her bones then her brain). I feel so selfish and scared all the time.
Thanks for reading.
Hi CWood
Welcome to the forum, I know how difficult it is to place your first post in a place that you do not want to be, but I am pleased that you have taken the courageous steps to do so.
I am really sorry to read how difficult things have become for Dad, he seems to have gone through so much over the past few years.
Can I ask if he is visited by Macmillan or other designated nurses? it should be possible for him to have an enema performed at home to ease the blockage, not the most comfortable of procedures, but maybe it would help? Once the blockages are moved he may feel more inclined to eat. I have found this with my Dad who has experienced similar blockages since receiving radiotherapy. The nurses may also be able to give guidance on eating.
What is it that your dad does like? what foods, drinks, soups etc does he tend to stick too?
Sometimes we focus on healthy eating, but maybe it is more about focusing on what it is he wants to eat now, I know you have mentioned that he says nothing tastes or smells appetising anymore, so it seems that it might be worth trying little and often - as an example my Dad had a cream donut for breakfast one day last week, not exactly healthy, but exactly what he fancied and even though it took him some time, he managed to eat all of it.
I am sure that you have tried pretty much everything, and I fully appreciate how daunting the coming months are looking, please remember that both you and your brother are also able to reach out for support. HERE are some practical guides, and although you have already cared for Mum after breast cancer that spread to her bones and brain,((hugs)) there may be some information that will help.
There is also information HERE regarding preparing for what the next few months might bring, I fully understand why you would be scared all the time, but I certainly would not label you as selfish, you are being so strong, and doing so much, please remember to also look after you.
The Family and Friends and Carer's Only Forums areas may also be worth a visit, there is so much support available within them.
Thinking of you
Lowe'
