Hi, my mum has fought pancreatic cancer for the last two years, she developed cellulitis over a week ago and was put on antibiotics.
she insisted on going to Devon (4 hours from where we all live) and had a great day walking the beach with my dad on Tuesday. By Wednesday the cellulitis returned along with a bowel infection and she was admitted to hospital. We all got here on Thursday and have been staying by her bedside, and we know this is end of life.
it is now Sunday, and I feel absolutely traumatised. Mum is still here. But seeing her get agitated, calling out to go home is pure agony. I have panic attacks anyway but now I’m living in a constant state of panic, I haven’t eaten a meal since Thursday lunch time because I feel so so sick. I’ve hardly slept, and we’re taking it in shifts to be with her as a family but I am really struggling now. And I feel so much guilt because there’s part of me that wants this to be over, for her to rest and for us to be able to grieve. But of course by the same token I want her to be here as long as she can. This conflict of thoughts and emotions is I think what’s making me feel so panic stricken. I am so frightened, so overwhelmed.
