How do you discuss terminal cancer

Hi All What an absolute sparkling light it is to find this page, I really thought I was the only one going through this, I can’t explain how it has already lifted me. I have spent weeks thinking I really need to speak to people that understand my very  what feels like isolated emotion and then I talk to myself  and say your strong your ok then I have a. Hyperventilated meltdown. Let me explain ... My very healthy husband was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer in May, it has been a rollercoaster of tests with promising outcomes only on ever occasion to be told that isn’t going to work or hasn’t worked, the law of averages do not apply to us. My husband is so strong and positive, like many of you we hadn’t had ( until after a result) yesterday had a what if .. conversation, and in a funny sort of way it felt a little weight had been lifted. I think we want to put ourselves in a protective bubble and don’t want it burst. On reading all your posts we are strong and inspirational and have a strength no one else can truly understand, so a big Hi to my new found pals.

Hi Lee Bop,

My lovely hubby of 19 years (52) also has stage 4 stomach cancer, diagnosed Xmas Eve. He’s tried two lots of chemo, neither of which has worked and sadly the cancer keeps spreading. They are now going to see if immunotherapy is an option or if not 3rd line chemo or referral to Royal Marsden.

You perfectly described how we feel with the protective bubble thing. Sometimes we cuddle up on the couch and just wish that we could freeze time and none of this was happening. No more hospital appointment, no more tests and calls and bad news. But then we know that’s not going to happen and we have to be strong and just keep getting through each day.

We still find it hard to have conversations about the future and don’t want to admit that nothing is working. We are still talking about each new treatment will be the one to fix him, but deep down I think we both know that isn’t going to happen.

Watching the love of your life deteriorate in front of you and not being able to help them and keep them safe is heartbreaking. The only thing that makes it a bit more bearable is to read your messages and know we’re all feeling the same.

Thinking of you all xx

Oh bramblejoo, I’m so sorry the results aren’t what you’d hoped for, so wish I could give you a hug but we all know that would set you off, mind, I guess by now your nearly cried out. However, I heard today of a friend’s sister who has also had immunotherapy, with some positive results, so although it’s hard, there is always hope.

Next Saturday my husband has his scan, oncologist says he’ll have a quick look to see if there’s anything positive to tell us. We asked him not to bother ringing if he can’t see any improvements, we’ll wait until he gets full report, takes about 2 weeks. If it’s bad news I know I’ll have my work cut out to encourage hubby to continue treatment but I’ll not worry about that today.

 I wish he would open up and share his feelings but mostly he’s demanding and impatient, not his usual self at all, he’s always been happy and laid back, and sadly we don’t share many hugs these days, I find I’m spending more and more time alone.

 I agree sharing heartache helps, just wish I could magic it all away.

Hugs to all.......Budge

Thanks Budge, I’ll accept that virtual hug  

I wish you positive news for your results soon.

I do most things alone now as he has no strength and I think that’s preparing mentor the future, but I don’t think it does really as just knowing he’s in the room with me is a huge comfort, even if he’s just sleeping.

Thank goodness for my lovely dog is all I can say x

It is very calming to read your stories, as sad and difficult as some are, it really does make me better understand just how many people are experiencing similar emotions and feelings to myself.

I hope you wont mind me adding you all to my healing prayer list.... I send you all love and strength and if possible some positive/good news going forwards

Lowe'

And dogs are so sensitive to our feelings and emotions, I don’t have one now, I said after our last 2 went over the Rainbow Bridge, I couldn’t bare the pain of loosing another......and yet here I am...and yet there’s something that rises within me, it’s hard to explain but it’s like I will not give in, a determination not to be beaten, weird, I don’t know where it comes from, I just hope it continues to help me through.

I think I’ve mentioned before our daughter and granddaughter and 2 cats live with us, so I’m not physically alone and that probably is what’s keeping me going, I have to, for them.

Take care......Budge x

Hi bamblejoo I think we are at the same stage, we had results on Thursday not compatible for immune therapy another whack in the heart, so referral to Royal Marsden for possible clinal trials, we have been offered a 3rd type of chemo but oncologist is not hopeful. I think we are all in agreement how painful it is to watch your soul mates lose themselves and I can’t always find words to support as they all seem wrong. It is lovely to have you all that I can rant and rave and no judgement is made , my heart goes out to all of you xx

sorry if I have resent this I’m not good with technology support  something else I have got to learn x

Hi everyone 

Bramblejoo so sorry to hear your husband’s chemotherapy did not work for him. My heart goes out to both of you and the pain you are going through. I have heard some people had good results with the immunotherapy so hopefully it might help your husband.
I also have a dog and I am sure he has helped me so much during the last  two years . When I felt emotionally exhausted drained and ready to scream at the world I take him for a walk whatever the weather. Just to watch him and he is so happy to be out makes me feel better. 

Lee bob welcome to our group it has helped me so much. You summed it up regarding the protective bubble.i guess most of us on here are like that . Some times we sit here and it’s like every thing is ok if only that was the case. I think it is so painful to talk about and although my husband is a quiet strong person if talking about it made him feel worse I couldn’t bear it. 

Strength and hope to you all x 

Hi you lovely ladies

just checking in to see how you all are, probably like me this 2nd round of lockdown isn’t affecting me to much only not being able to see children and grandchildren and that I wasn’t allowed to be with hubby when he went into hospital for a bit which was horrible. I reflect back tot his time last year and it seems a million moons ago my only worry was the stress of Christmas oh how I could of told myself is that it!! I had a good chat with myself and trying another tactic only cry when you need to and focus on what I have now. I am getting as many cuddles as I can I wish I could then box them up and save them. As many of you do , we know the path we are on I picture it edged with beautiful flowers and a bright rainbow over head, I call it my yellow brick road, we have certainly met some characters along the path. Take care everyone embrace what we have.Lets keep our conversation going it is so supportive.
Beebop xxxx

Hi Lee Boo,

So good to hear from you! How is your husband doing? Has he been referred to Royal Marsden now or is he trying a 3rd line chemo? Has he had any other issues arise?

We are still waiting to hear whether my hubby can have immunotherapy, was due to find out today but test not back so oncologist said he’ll call next week as soon as he knows. If that’s not an option then it’s third line chemo. In the meantime we wait and my hubby gets worse by the week. He has stents for his kidneys, injections for bloody clots and had 10 litres of fluid drained from his abdomen last week, just another symptom of disease progression. 
Sometimes I find myself staring at him in the night, just to make sure he is still breathing, madness! 
Lockdown doesn’t affect us massively besides not being able to see family as we’d like but at least I get to have the odd walk in the park with my stepdaughter and gorgeous grandson, she’s my rock!

Hope you’re all doing okay? X