Should we be getting some help?

Hi Sarah,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad and my heart goes out to you and your family at this time. 

My mum has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to her kidneys and she has a malignant pleural effusion. So unfortunately I can kind of relate to you at this time. 

Luckily I work in the care sector so have been able to seek lots of advice from my managers in regards to help out there, so it's right that I share it with you!

I'm assuming with how advanced Dad's cancer is he has been asked his preferences? Whether to die at home or in a hospice etc? If Dad has chosen to stay at home. Your cancer nurses will be able to point you in the direction of care and support at home, because at this time you need to look after yourselves too!

Call your cancer nurses. Tell them your concerns and worries and ask them for some support and they will get the ball rolling for you. 

Also contact Marie curie as they will be able to point you in the right direction in regards to what you are entitled to with Dad being terminally ill. 

In regards to the district nurses as wonderful as they are. I have found that persistence is key with them. When mum came home from hospital she had blisters the size of footballs on her feet and they tried to tell me they wouldn't be able to change her dressings every other day (even though she was leaving puddles on the floor whenever she walked). Needless to say I was constantly on the phone!

Tell the nurses about dad not eating or drinking. It may be that things don't taste the same, in which case they can offer supplements for him in the forms of drinks and yogurts. Mum only seems to enjoy sweet food at the moment, trifles, cheesecakes and rice pudding. Perhaps offer some of those to Dad. As the ability to taste sweet things is the last to leave.

I hope ive been able to help a little bit and again. Please be persistent. Often those who are quiet and don't make a fuss are the ones who are forgotten.

I wish you and your family all the best and I hope you get the help that you and your dad deserves. 

Laura xx

Hi Sarah and Kathryn,

I'm not an expert on this by any means, but I am in a very similar stage with my father who is in the final stages of his battle with cancer. How final, we're not quite sure, but it is a matter of weeks, if not days.

My father has recently started sleeping for most of the day and we have been trying to wake him up to give him some food, drink and pills, but it is becoming more and more difficult. We were also told by the nurses that it's not that big of a problem if he doesn't want to eat. I found this difficult to heart at first, but I suppose it is indicative of how much time he has left. I've since asked other nurses and the GP and they all agree. If he takes any pleasure in some foods give him that, but that liquids are more important than food.

In terms of support. We have been very fortunate and have had support from a Hospice, with a nurse and district nurse vising weekly and more recently, as our needs have increased, so have the visits. Also, now that we are nearing the end we will also have some support from a carer for personal care etc.

I completely relate with not really knowing what you're doing and having a lot of questions, so i would keep asking the district nurses and ask to be referred to a hospice if it hasn't been done yet either. And keep asking questions. 

wishing you and your sister all the best in this really tough time.

Take care,

Carolina

Ps Netflix and gin sounds like a plan

Hi Sarah and Kathryn,

I'm not an expert on this by any means, but I am in a very similar stage with my father who is in the final stages of his battle with cancer. How final, we're not quite sure, but it is a matter of weeks, if not days.

My father has recently started sleeping for most of the day and we have been trying to wake him up to give him some food, drink and pills, but it is becoming more and more difficult. We were also told by the nurses that it's not that big of a problem if he doesn't want to eat. I found this difficult to heart at first, but I suppose it is indicative of how much time he has left. I've since asked other nurses and the GP and they all agree. If he takes any pleasure in some foods give him that, but that liquids are more important than food.