Mum has questions about dying

Hi and welcome to the online community

I'm very sorry to hear that your mum is nearing the end.

You might find this information from Macmillan on what to expect at the end of life helpful in trying to answer your mum's questions.

Sending a gentle ((hug))

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and my heart goes out to you. My mother has terminal brain cancer and is on palliative care only. She is in a care home, having recently suffered a massive stroke leaving her bedridden. She is still, amazingly able to speak and described this blackness coming over her from the back of her head towards the front, a feeling of lightheadiness and going to pass out. The nurses have told her that this is what it will be like at the end. When this happens they will put her into sedation so she will not be aware of what is going on and she will pass peacefully from that state. I don't know if this is the norm, I think they have a similar process in hospices but this is the procedure at the care home. As sketchbook has pointed out there is excellent advice on macmillan. Alternatively could you contact her CNS for information? You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs. Lamb.xx

Sorry, that should be latchbrook. Autocorrect!

I wish I'd read the information from Macmillan 20 weeks ago. Drs and nurses used the expression 'things are changing' but didn't follow up with what to expect when the time came.

Hi BootsyD

First of all can I offer my condolences on the recent death of your husband. I hope that you are coping the best that you can and getting support from other members of the Bereaved spouses and partners forum group.

I'm sorry to hear that the doctors and nurses didn't explain what to expect when the time came. I don't know if this is because they are trying to 'protect' us or how often it happens.

Sending a gentle ((hug))

Thank you Latchbrook. Maybe because Colin didn't want to know his prognosis they wouldn't give me any clues either! Even after 2 DNAR's, 1 for resusitation and 1 for blood transfusion they didn't offer any hints or the info you included above. Our Macmillan nurse was taken away from us to go into the hospital because of covid making cancer and dying cancer patients, sad to say, seem not as important. 

The bereaved spouses and partners group has been a massive help for me. Talking to people who have been in your shoes and have been through the same emotions has been a true Godsend!! 

Thank for the hug, we all need hugs 

BootsyD

Even if Colin didn't want to know his prognosis you would have thought that the medics could have taken you to one side to explain things.

I'm glad to hear how supportive you're finding the bereaved partners and spouses group. Part of my 'role' as a Community Champion is to keep my eye open for any posts that have gone unanswered. I have to say that I never have to step in to try and help in the bereaved group as no post gets left

x

Hi BootsyD, when Rebecca was diagnosed, no real details were forthcoming we had to ask to have answers, I assumed this was in case not everyone wants to or is ready to hear those details. 
we wanted to know as much as possible so I did find that frustrating but do understand why. We asked about prognosis and the response was, are you sure you want to know as once you hear that, you can’t unhear it then. They also asked if either of us then wanted to leave the room if the other didn’t want to know. 
At the hospice information has been there all along the way for me, so I have found that of comfort, I’m sorry you didn’t have that and covid interrupted your husbands care. 

hi nms87, 

ask the medical team as many questions as you feel comfortable with, if they know your mum is happy for them to talk to you then they should be able to inform you in relation to her condition. 
for my wife, they have advised everyone is individual and can be unpredictable but have given me generalised advise as to what to expect and also an assessment of what they’re seeing, they have been very open and honest. 
Rebecca’s pain has been difficult to get on top of but they have done everything they can to do this and over the past 4 days she hasn’t required anything additional. She has been restless and agitated that’s been harder to control, but again they have made daily changes and in the last 48 hrs we’re just about there, she’s now just sleeping as I hold her hand and type, she’s a little noisy but I’ve been told that breathing changes at this stage and it’s normal. 
please ask them questions and you can then advise your mum. 

my thoughts are very much with both of you. 

take care 

Hi everyone,

Sadly we lost mum the day after My original post, but I wanted to say thanks so much for all your kind words, advice and support. It really does mean a lot

xx

I'm very sorry to hear your news .

Sending a virtual ((hug))