Marriage problems

Hi shawc1981 and welcome to the online community

I'm sorry to read that your husband has lung cancer which has spread to his bones. It must be very hard for you both to deal with especially as you say that he suffers with pain everyday. Does his hospital team know about the back pain? I know this is a simple thing for me to say but if his team could get on top of his pain would that perhaps help his moods?

I have not been in your position, as I was the one with cancer, but I can imagine that it must be very difficult for you to find that your role has changed to that of a carer. I'm sure that you want to do everything you can to help your husband and it sounds like it's very hard for you at the moment.

Unfortunately a cancer diagnosis can affect relationships and you might find reading this information from Macmillan helpful. It gives information on talking and where you can get support. You could also give the Macmillan Support Line a call on 0808 808 0000 if you'd like to talk to some immediately. It's free to call and is available every day from 8am to 8pm.

I wish you and your husband all the best and I hope you can save your relationship.

x

Hi

We are in a similar position . Husband diagnosed stage 4 nsclc in July last year and we have a young child . I am 41 he is 47.. it’s a very stressful time and add into thar covid just makes a melting pot! 

If I am ever feeling ill it’s not as bad as him so I should just get on with it. Of course I am sure it’s not as bad but doesn’t mean I don’t feel ill though .. he gets bad tempered with us prob because he’s in pain and masks it to everyone apart from me ..

life is hard .. I thought with a diagnosis like this it would mean we would be really close but it doesn’t seem to have done that, partly because I think my husband is stuck in the angry phase of grief so he can’t get passed that ..

just wanted to let u know I understand and am in a similar position ..

Hi sorry to hear the problems your having we are both furloughed so sheilding, since he started chemo , I was working in a pharmacy so once we got letter my company furloughed me to,only really seen my daughter our other children havnt bothered to much,not sure anyone else gets his diagnosis, and he saying if he makes the decision to stop chemo he isn't telling them that it was his choice, leaves me with dreadful secret, got high blood pressure now which is finally under control,  and I do feel better,everyone tells you to look after yourself but that's so hard when you are so worried about someone else,I hope things sort out for you and your husband x but I would happily chat to you if you need a friendly soul x

Hi shawc

i am in the same boat exactly. But we are early sixties so I feel we at least have had more time. My husband is very angry. We have been battling the system since august with missed diagnosis and missed appointments. Then six week shutdown for covid. A bad admin service mostly. That has been exhausting for me as I feel I have to double check everything. I managed to get pain management sorted after frequent requests and misdirections and it has made a difference as at least his bone metastasis pain is reduced. He went from oral codeine 4 hourly to oral morphine and now long acting morphine. The pain team are the best. They ring regularly to make sure he is ok. Even though it’s high dose it has made a difference to his daily life. He can drive and do odd jobs. He had radiotherapy on the sacral secondaries from lung which didn’t help the pain but might slow down the spread. They only found it because I insisted on another MRI. 
you are bound to fight. Covid would do that without cancer. We were actually discussing divorce before his diagnosis but now I try to block out the bad temper and carry on. It’s horrible to say but they might not be with us for much longer so you can do it. Be a good nurse. It’s worse for them. Take time out with your friends too. They want to help. 
best wishes

I really admire your kindness. I joined this thread feeling frustrated by my husbands over sensitivity and short temper which often makes me and our 11yr old feel we cant do anything right. You have inspired me to be a bit more gentle. Thank you