I dont want my Dad to die

Hi Vee, I just joined today. Im so sorry to hear what you are going through. It resonated with me what you said about the unknowing and trying to be strong.  My dad was diagnosed about 5/6 years ago with prostrate cancer and he was managing very well, an inspiration really as he lived life to the full. In February we were told it had spread to his liver and he is not expected to live beyond this winter. In Feb all i could do was cry but he still seemed his old self and i managed to put it in a compartment in my head. Last week he has deteriorated significantly and i can no longer compartmentalise. I feel like im going mad,  im sure you dont need me goi g on but i just wanted you to know im feeling similar to what you expressed and not feeling alone i think helps.  I think im posting for advice too, as you said.  Take care  Sharon x

Hi Sharon 

Thanks for the reply. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad, its horrid when their doing fine and suddenly the rug gets pulled out from under you. I felt like I couldn't deal anymore was when I heard my dads cancer had spread. I really get what you said about compartmentalise. Some days I can cope and when people ask about my dad i'm fine. Some days its like all the bad stuff is on re-run in my head and if someone ask I just burst into tears. My love goes out for you and your family in this horrid time. If you want to talk anything out, I'll be hear to listen.

Vee x

Hi Vee you are very kind. I was very touched by your reply. I feel exactly as you said = one minute fine, the next in tears its the fear of the unknown I’m also finding hard.  I dont know what i should be doing or feeling.  Do you try to carry on as normal or take time out, but then how much time and what if you need time later? Im in the first year of a phd which is pretty full on (I went back to uni at 50) i feel i should be able to manage but im all over the show.  Im moaning again, lol.
My heart goes out to you and family and likewise I am here if you want to talk.  All the very best. Sharon

Im just happy someone was listening back Sharon. This pain feels very lonely. I personally take time out, anything from a bath to a walk away from the house. Sometimes I don't want too talk. Sometimes I want to cry and thats okay. I think I find it hard to find that balance between feeling better after a good cry and not being able to stop. 

Wow, that is a lot on your plate, what with the PHD and all. I think going back to study at any age is an achievement, let alone a PHD. I don't miss my dissertation at all. I was sorry to read about your mum, that must have been tough only being 19. I'm absolutely devastated about my dad but at least we've had time. Do you and your brothers live close to your dad? Can you visit him with corona and everything? 

Never feel like your moaning btw. Its never a moan, thats what this is here for.

Stay safe, Vee

Hi Vee thank you, sorry only replying now as things a bit hectic.  Dad was taken into hospital with a few other issues related to the cancer.  I have to admit i am struggling a bit but have to keep moving forward, inch or mm at a time!  Bloody coronavirus doesnt help does it?

i hope you are keeping well and managing.

sharon

Hi Sharon

Never worry about replying straight away, I understand. Im sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he's stable and not in any pain. Coronavirus is an absolute nightmare. Its been making me so mad, the pictures of the over crowded beaches. How can these people be so selfish, it's a one way ticket to the second wave. My dad has now started chemo and has good days/ bad days. All I want to do is help but even if I could, im not sure there is anything I can do. Feeling a bit useless. 

Stay safe and keep moving forward

Vee

Hi Vee

My Dad was first diagnosed with skin cancer and the operation was successful. He had 3 monthly check ups. In Oct 2018 they discovered a further lump on the side of his head under the skin. He had a biopsy beginning of December. Two days after new year we got the result that it was the cancer back. He needed a scan to see if it had spread. At end of February we found out that tumour were in his lungs and adrenal glands with small pre cancerous  spots in his brain. 

He started immunotherapy in March 2019. Since then the spots on is brain have disappeared, the other tumours have shrunk. Don't give up hope.. My dad is shielding, and his treatment has stopped, the consultants Neill do what best for your Dad. I know we feel helpless but trust in the the doctors. Hope you're Dad's treatment works.   

We all feel useless but just be there

Jax

Hi Vee, i totally agree, i think people think it wont happen to them and they are immune from getting coronavirus, probably denial too.

My heart goes out to you and your family, particularly your dad in dealing with chemo.  I think feeling useless is part and parcel of this bloody illness (although im no expert), i feel the same alot of the time.  All i try to do is be there and beof practicable help.  My dad doesnt do talking - to me any way.  Its a bit rubbish at the minute as again with coronavirus i cant visit him in the hospital, although part of me is a bit less stressed thats hes there and i know the staff are helping him and hes safe.

take care vee and sending you supportive hugs. Sx

Hi Jax

Wow, your dad has had a complete roller coaster with his illness hasn't he. I can't imagine what you and your family has been though with it all and I am glad to hear that the cancer has shrunk and that he is safe. 

I really appropriate all your kind words. Dad has a lot of faith in his doctors, so I should too. At least I can see him and talk to him, plus be there for my mum and brothers. He turns 60 in September, I just really want him to reach that mile stone and more. We also get results whether the treatment has worked in September, it's going to be a bit of a month. 

Thank you and take care 

Vee

Hi Sharon

I'm so sorry you can't see you dad at the moment. That must be quite worrying. However, it sounds like he's in the best place and at least you know he's safe and well cared for. Men can be a bit rubbish sometimes with talking but I bet it helps him to know that if he did want to talk, you would be there to listen. 

From reading through this forum and all the stories on here, I know its a natural response to want to help. Cancer is an entity that we can't touch, we can't fight but affects our loved ones so much. I do feel better when I'm at work because I have tasks that I can do and accomplish. I also get distracted for a while. I can't do that with cancer. I can't make it better. The only way I can help is by being there. It doesn't feel like enough but by the sounds of things it's the only thing I can do.

The not knowing is crazy annoying. I wish they could just tell us if a treatment would work or not. I know they can't, for obvious reasons, but it's crazy to feel that my dad might have 2/3 years more with successful treatment or may not live to the end of this year if the cancer continues to grow at the same rate. It definitely makes you feel every moment is a blessing.

Thanks for listening and take care,

Vee