Thank you so much to the lovely people who replied to my original post here https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/supporting_someone_with_incurable_cancer/f/nearing_the_end-forum/196517/partner-just-diagnosed-with-small-cell-lung-cancer
I appreciate the chat, support and comfort that I have gained from reading your replies.
What a truly awful, cruel disease this is, not only for the sufferer but for all that love and care for them too.
I'm also a sufferer of depression and anxiety which just serves to make it more challenging to cope with, and, unfortunately I can feel myself slowly slipping down the black hole, I'm doing all that I can to try and prevent that happening and, thankfully, I have great support from family and friends.
I kind of feel like I'm already loosing him, he's changed so much, not surprisingly, it's like watching him slowly fading away, he's gone from this very independent, confident and sturdy man, to being so dependant on me, sometimes I've had to sit up with him throughout the night because he doesn't want to be on his own but he doesn't want to be in bed, he'll sit and watch hours of TV and I just occupy myself, then he'll decide it's time for bed and off we both go. Please don't misunderstand me, I don't mind at all sitting with him if it makes him feel better but this is one of the biggest changes in his behaviour. I don't know if this would be a normal thing for the newly diagnosed and will get better with time, or is this now a life long change.
Terry doesn't want to talk about his illness at all, nothing in connection with it must be mentioned apart from when he's having his medical appointments, this is where some problems have reared their ugly heads because I'm the type of person who talks about everything, I need too so that I can sort things out in my own mind, but every time I attempt a conversation around the subject, I just get shut down instantly.
I try to keep positive and to keep him positive too. Unfortunately he's just had 5 days in hospital as following his first chemo a nasty abscess started at the top of his leg, his temperature started going up so I rang the emergency chemo line and we had to go straight to the hospital. His white blood cells and platelets where very, very low so he was admitted so they could replace them and he was on IV antibiotics. The surgeon decided to operate on the abscess so that it, hopefully, wont come up again and, thankfully, he's so much better now.
I'm really worried about this Corona Virus thing because the NHS are saying that people having chemo are really at risk. We're already practically self isolating, but for his protection, it's only family and nurses that are coming in and, apart from medical appointments, we've not been going out anywhere, I'm doing our shopping online and family get us things that we need.
I really am finding it all so very frightening and overwhelming at the moment, I know that I will cope because we have too but I'm finding it a rough road to travel so far. 
