My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer over 3 years ago. Since then life has been a constant stream of surgeries, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He hasn't been able to work since diagnosis, and I have barely worked for 2 years. We've basically run down our life savings. His family is overseas and I don't have family. We are in our early 40s, and most of our friends have drifted away over the 3 years.
He's incurable, and with every setback his health gets a bit worse. He's currently 3/4 of the way through his latest chemo, so is very weak. My entire life revolves around his needs; some days he needs help getting in and out of the shower, moving around etc. I cook and clean, do all the household chores, all of the life admin etc. I am trying to arrange benefits and some mobility help, with Macmillan's guidance, but it all seems very overwhelming. Our house is desperately unsuitable for his needs, and I am trying to arrange for us to move, but that's even more stress.
I feel like I'm drowning. I can't function. I am self-employed, but every time I try to work I feel like I'm trying to think through cotton wool. I see a counsellor every week (which I can barely afford) and I was on antidepressants for a year, but in all that time they made me feel sick so I came off them over a year ago.
I get up full of good intentions, then end up doing nothing except caring and housework. In my off time I scroll my phone, but can't take anything in. I try reading books or watching films but I have no concentration. It feels like everything is whizzing by and I'm glued to the floor.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how long he has left. It could be 3 years, 3 months. At present the chemo is keeping his cancer stable, but for how long?
I need to work out a way to live with this. I need to work. I want to enjoy our time together, but I feel like I'm in a dark pit and when I try to climb out I fall even further in. Does anyone have any advice please?
Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community at that sounds like an incredibly difficult time for you
I haven't been in your position but you sound like you're doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances. I can barely begin to imagine how you're managing to keep everything going and it's no surprise to hear that you're struggling.
Could I suggest that you join the carers group as I'm sure you'll get plenty of support from other people in the same position as you over there. To join just click on the link I've created.
Sending a supportive (((hug)))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
