My mother has terminal bladder cancer

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Hi everyone  not sure I'm in the right place but I'm struggling to deal with the fact my mom may not be with us for long   Its been a hard 12 months and harder by the fact the fact that we've had a family fight... I've accepted apologies but it has really hurt deep and for the sake of my mother I have needed to keep a lid on this,   However this really has tipped me over the edge and I feel my nerves are shattered.  My poor husband is getting his head ripped off for the slightest thing (good job he loves me); He took me to the Dr today only to be told in a kind manner - this is life there is no rule book how to deal with this - what do you think or want me to do?   aggghh

I feel we have no support since Mom was told her cancer had spread - because of her age there is no treatment but there doesn't seem to be any support - there is no one that checks on her unless i call the ∂r.  Having said that she does have regular cystocopies but beyond that nothing.  We were told there would be a specialist nurse at hand to answer any questions  - no,   I don't know what to expect.  she's in good sprits but is now down to 6 1.2 stone.

Sorry for ranting but I needed to get this off my chest without any sarcasm from authorities etc

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Ann

    I'm sorry to see that your journey with your mum has brought you to this group and under the circumstances we are pleased you've stopped by

    Can I just put your mind at rest on a few things.

    1. This is one of the places you can stop by to ask questions, air your views, rant and rave and let off steam at anytime you want even if you just want to have a chat just come in, you'll be very welcome

    2. When you come into any of the Macmillans groups you won't be faced with any sarcasm and you will never be judged on anything you say, you will however be amongst a remarkable group of people who no matter what they are facing in their own lives always have time to help and advise each other and are extremely supportive towards one another.

    This is the time to put the family feud behind you and everyone should be working towards a common aim - to support your mum and make her comfortable

    I'm sure your husband understands how you are feeling and what you going through and see what's really the matter with you.

    Your doctor is right in a way, there is no rule book, and I assume that he was talking about the care of your mum (I'll come back to this in a minute) but if he was talking about how you are, he should be able to do something for you even if it is only some pills or suggest some counselling and that is why you went to see him this morning you should expect your GP to do something for you and at the very least expect some amount of sympathy.

    What can your GP do for you and mum

    The NHS have produced this and it explains in detail who is responsible for the health and social care of mum

    End of Life Care - What it involves 

    and I would suggest that you read it as soon as you can. 

    Both Macmillans have produced the following which I hope will help you in the coming weeks and help you care for your mum

    Macmillans - Coping with advanced cancer

    Marie Curie - being there/end of life preparation

    You are very welcome to contact our telephone support line on 0808 808 0000. any day of the week between 8 am and 8 pm and speak to our very friendly team who can give you lots of advice on anything you need to ask.

    However when you come onto the online community forum you will be in the company of people who are exactly like you, and who else can understand your feelings except people who are or have been in your shoes and will talk to you and share their experiences with you whenever you need to speak to them.

    We can help you to understand what is going on and try and help you through the next few months and maybe help you to stop ripping hubbies head off!

    Ian

    By clicking on  any of the green text above will open up new pages for you 

  • Thank you so much for your kind and reassuring words...yes I expected more from my gap.  Btw he’s. Not my moms gp.  I will,look at the links.  I’m so,pleased I joined this group..if only for the rant xxxx