Creating a checklist

Based upon my recent experience after my mother died last fall:

2) Make sure all usernames and passwords to all accounts are written down somewhere. I spent a month trying to get into my mother's iphone unsuccessfully before I stumbled on a scrap piece of paper tucked somewhere with her password. Other accounts were easier to figure out but it still took a lot of time resetting all those passwords that weren't written down.

3) Wasn't a problem for our family but I've seen it destroy other families. Talk about who gets what after mother is gone. That way there is no fighting over the family silver collection, etc.

4) Specifics of funeral. We thought we all knew exactly what my mother wanted until we were actually planning her funeral and realized we all had slightly different interpretations of her wishes.

Fantastic points, the first point you made specifically is something I would not have thought of so is just the type of answer I was looking for.

Many thanks

5) End of Life preferences and Advance Care Plan - Having difficult discussion about about resuscitation, levels of treatment - I think there may be McMillian Champ or nurse that may have further advice  on this. 

6)  Getting documentation tidy and orderly and accessible - cars, insurance policies,  tax, HR or work  pensions information and reference numbers. 

Thank you Nellie, both great points to add on the list.

G'day all,

As follows is a post from the Carers forum I wrote a bit over  two years ago. Seven weeks after my darling passed, this list is again proving its worth as I have a list of who I need to contact to inform them of her passing (Their end of life is not the end of your journey - nearly, but not quite).

There were four additional things we did that aren't on this list (Power of Attorney (control of legal and financial matters), Power of Enduring Guardianship (control of health and lifestyle matters), Advance Health Care Directive (her personal end of life choices) and Will and Testament). These were omitted from the list as they may not be applicable in all countries.

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Although it can seem cruel or heartless, the best thing to do is to get everything, and I mean EVERYTHING changed over or written down before your loved one passes.

My wife and I did this very early on and it has been a gosend for several reasons;

1. I now have a far better picture of our overall financial postition (my wife was the accountant and the brains in our outfit)
2. I've built a calendar of who has to be paid and when (eliminates surprises and help you plan better)
3. It's helped me prepare for when the worst comes to the worst.

We simply sat down and discussed how illprepared I would be if she dropped off the perch tomorrow - and I would have been.

We listed;

• all her bank accounts (BSB, account number, login ID and password)
• all her credit cards (login ID, PIN, password and which bank/account it was linked to)
• all house/contents/life insurance policies (insurer, policy number, login ID/password)
• all superannuation accounts (insurer, account number, login ID/password, attached life insurance)
• all car registration details (comprehensive insurer, comprehensive policy number, CTP policy number)
• all utility (gas/water/electricity) details (provider, account number, online ID/password, bank account for regular withdrawals)
• all email accounts (username and password, email server details)
• all onlline accounts (URL, username and password)

With all insurances and superannuation, we made certain I was named as her beneficiary.

All of her email accounts are now set up on one of my systems, so we don't miss emails any more.

We've had a secondary card issued in my name for most of her credit cards (very handy to be able to prove that"you" are "you".

Of course, doing all this meant I finally got to see all her credit card balances which, after seeing the bank balances, made a lot of sense (none of which was of the common variety). ;-) 

She says, in her defense, that they were all lovely shoes.

I said, in defense of logic, that you have not changed your name to Millicent, let alone Millipede.

Prepare - and do it as a task for both of you. Make the OH think, remember and be part of the "game". Keep them involved in their own lives.

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If we hadn't done this, our lives would have resembled the insides of a zoo keepers bucket. 

Prepare. and then double check that you have gotten all the information you need and it is recorded clearly and someone other than you knows where this information is. We co-opted our eldest son on this, who was also named as a substitute Power of Attorney and Enduring Guardian.

Hoping this helps,
Ewen :-)

   Simon / Ewen  - thank you. This is so useful. 

I am in the process of making a spread sheet of information of my partners things and this reassures me that it is the right thing to to. I have also included the web sites and his user name on things that might be done on line. 

Wow many many thanks Ewen

@nellieJ,

My pleasure sweetie. Glad it was of some help.

Ewen :-)

No worries Simon. Glad it was of some use to you.

Ewen :-)

 This checklist discussion thread has given me confidence that these things need getting down and got ready. 

I have looked at sites on the internet 'things to do when a person dies' https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/what-do-when-someone-dies-checklist   This site has links to other useful things like returning blue badges, etc. 

I have just found this bereavement advice checklist  - amazing what is on this modern interweb https://www.bereavementadvice.org/globalassets/pdfs/bac/step_by_step_checklist.pdf

I am adding to my checklist people who can help with certain things.  I have no other family support and my partners grown up children are not particularly strong in practical ways. 

• I have asked a really old friend to help me with paperwork - they are organised and emotionally removed enough to get on with things with no fuss.
• I have lined up another friend to help me with the dogs and house when the time comes for my partner to go to the hospice.
• I have two friends who are all action, no nonsense and rather low on sympathy or empathy, but they will be fab at some of the practical things like ringing people and informing people.  

I hope this helps leave me space to be with my partner and be sad - I find less information about how to manage emotionally. 

Panic, hope you are doing ok and appreciate it is such a short time since Margaret passed away.