Coping mechanisms

FormerMember over 5 years ago

3 replies
11 subscribers
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I am new to this group. My partner has incurable cancer. She had breast cancer 20 years ago and it has returned in her peritoneum and now spreading to her liver. She has a cocktail of drugs and this leaves her fatigued and she has no appetite. She is losing weight and spends alot of time sleeping in between trying to potter about. I think she is depressed also understandably. She said to me yesterday that she often just does not want to get up in the morning. Emotionally it is such a roller coaster. It is so sad to see someone you love looking so frail and vulnerable. How do you all cope with the emotional roller coaster? What can I do to help her? How do you all cope with the guilt when you are doing something for yourself? The conflict of emotions is hard to deal with.

latchbrook over 5 years ago

Hi and a warm welcome to the online community although I'm sorry you've had to find us.

I'm sorry to see that no one from this group has felt able to offer you any support yet. However, I noticed that you'd had a reply from Ellen to your post in ask a nurse full of useful information and ways to support you both. If you haven't seen it clicking on this link will take you to it.

"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

NellieJ over 5 years ago

Hello - sorry for your situation and to see the changes in weight and not having energy I can only imagine reinforces the loss and pain to come. Coping with the emotional roller coaster - ? I have had to learn to step back and hold onto myself and any urges to over help. There seem to be so many emotions that all swish about at the same time I had no idea until being in these shoes. With the guilt - I hope you manage to tell yourself that unless you get some time to make sure you are still going, you are not doing all you can. I have found the best thing I can do sometimes is step away and come back to my partner more in control of myself and my emotional roller coaster. I have also learnt to respect that my partner needs time with themselves coming to terms with dying and that I cant be in their shoes for that. So please do take time to take care of yourself too.

FormerMember over 5 years ago

I'm in similar situation with my husband, he has good days and bad when he sleeps all time. Initially doing things on my own felt uncomfortable but he has encouraged me to do things which I'm grateful for too. Gradually it has helped both of us as although often overwhelmed with things i cope better as had time away from caring so find i am able to be more supportive with hubby. He also says he feels more reassured that I will carry on better when he isnt here. Having said that we try and spend as much time together as possible even if it's just sitting in same room reading. When he sleeps then I go and do other bits in garden just popping back to check frequently.

I also have taken up yoga as that has helped me relax, making me less tearful.

Hope this helps a bit.

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