Living Alone with Cancer

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far. I will be in touch with you all.

an interesting statistic from the 2011 census: 31% of people over 65 live alone. Now I have also read that 1 in 2 people will get Cancer in their lifetime. So some very crude maths say that 15% of people over 65 could be facing Cancer alone at some point. That is 2.3 million people. Of course some of those have children, but still they do live alone. Not all of them will develop cancer at age 65, for some it will be 70, 75, 85. But whichever way you look at it it will be a very large number. And I haven't even looked at people under 65.

keep those replies coming everyone.

Hello Lakeslover,

I have only had a short period of time living alone with cancer but here are a few of my thoughts. I have already run into the following practical problems most of which involved organizing a local support group:

• When I had an outpatient visit for an examination which involved a general anaesthetic they insisted that I needed someone to collect me and stay with me the first night.
• When I was in hospital for an operation to remove the tumour I needed someone the feed the cat.
• When I left hospital I need people to help with heavy lifting jobs for a while.
• When I then got a blocked bladder at 11 o'clock at night a good neighbour drove me directly to the emergency unit rather than me having to wait for half an hour for the ambulance. This was because she new of my situation in advance even if she was not expecting the call.

Because I was suddenly in hospital unexpectedly I found myself there with nothing:

• My phone was dead and I couldn't even remember my sister's phone number. I should have had an emergency list of numbers.
• I had to get friends to bring me a few things get home with. I should have had a bag packed with the essentials.

Is planing for what might happen if the future more important if you are alone?

On the emotional side I wonder how many people are living alone because they have lost a partner (possibly to cancer) and so they have a intimate knowledge of what they might expect. They might have real or exaggerated fears because of that. And, of course, you used to have someone close to talk about all these things. How do you find someone to share your thoughts and fears with? Is it a good idea to use an online community to share these thoughts?

Thanks for moderating this discussion, Nicholas

I echo Nichola's comment planning is more important if alone.

I now through 2 difficult experiences always attend hosptal appts with my diary, money and mobile phone charger as at one consultant appt I had a suspected pe so left the hospital 8 hours later and an overnight stay for a biopsy collapsed my lung and I spent 9 days in hospital without money, without mobile phone and could not remember other appts etc in the diary.

M-J

Thank you Nicholas,

really good points there and just the sort of thing I was hoping we could draw out and debate. I certainly fall into your final category having nursed my husband through his illness I can't help wondering who would be there for me. 

We we also ended up in hospital with no means of contacting people as he was rushed in by ambulance. after that I always kept an emergency admissions bag packed ready, which included phone and I pad charger. I see M J has had the same problem, which probably means it is very common, but I suspect something people new to this might not think of. 

I went through cancer treatment about 15 months ago. I was alone and had to do everything-still cook, wash, go shopping during the 5 weeks of treatment Im not expecting a medal ,  we all have to soldier on but the biggest bone of contention if you like , was the Macmillan care telephone line.Why is it only available Mon -Fri 9 am -8 pm.

Sometimes all thats required is a chat , someone at the end of the line to offer support. I had my treatment through Winter, the days were cold and dull, with sunset around 4 pm. Once the curtains are drawn and youre alone , you have time to dwell. You watch television but youre not taking it in , you have far too much on your plate.

Its this time that allsorts go through your mind , a chat and support would be useful but unfortunately we cannot always dictate when they might be .Extended hours including weekends would be useful.

Hi Lynda

Just wanted to say I think you are doing a brilliant job in trying to organise something here on the site to try to help and support  those people living alone with cancer. When I was diagnosed I was so fortunate to have the support of my husband. I  can't even begin to imagine how frightened and lonely people living on their own feel. 

It's great to see more people now joining in with the discussion and posting about the practical and emotional problems they are facing. It would be wonderful if advice and solutions to some of their problems can be found. I know in certain areas of the country Macmillan have volunteers who help out with jobs like shopping and ironing. It would be simply fantastic if the scheme was extended to more parts of the country. 

I volunteer at my local hospital in the Macmillan centre and the patient survey there has highlighted that many people are going through treatment alone. Plans are afoot for volunteers to support staff with people undergoing chemotherapy to make the cancer journey a little less lonely. 

Wishing you all the best.

Lynda, you are doing a great job.

Sue x

Count me in Drob

Hi, I'm up for it. 

Living alone with cancer. does bring its own challenges. 

Since finishing treatmeat my son had returned home, due to his circumstances, not mine. But even then, with his work commitments he is not here much.

i work full time, which I guess is different to being at home all the time.

living alone means you hsve to deal with concerns and niggles on your own, often rationalising them away. You do worry -what if something happens -keep the phones handy!

equally, you don't have to consider other people's feelings quite as constantly! (Always look for the upside!)

hilary

Thanks everyone.

im away this weekend and will pick this up when I get back. In the meantime keep the debate going and the post at the top of the lists!

i agree Hilary. I started carrying my mobile in my pocket at all times in case I collapse and can't get to the phone. 

Hi Lynda,

I live alone and like all the others who have replied here would appreciate a group for us,not for carers,family or friends but us,,the ones who truly do live alone with cancer